yourstruly-me

2009-06-30T13:53:00.002+08:00

I was listening to my favourite playlist. And this song which has always been in the playlist struck me.
I was talking to Marie on gmail this morning about relationships, the ones between God and me, my mum and I and of course, Anthony and mine.
And i realise that I haven't been praying enough. Maybe all I should do is to sit there and listen to Him. Then there will be a way out for everything.

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

2009-06-29T08:31:00.002+08:00

I am in a really bad mood.
Really really bad.

1. I still 7 more working days.
2. I have my project to finish.
3. I can't go to the airport tonight.
4. I miss him yet I know I can't see him till God-knows-when.
5. The cause of 3 and 4 is my mum.

5 good reasons for a very very blue Monday.
3/5 is because of my mum. Argh.

2009-06-26T09:07:00.000+08:00

Decided to make a short blog entry after Sheila commented that my blog has been dead for so long.

So far all of you guys out there who has been in constant contact with me, yes, I am fine. Doing well actually, but not too well in my internship. I dread having the thought of waking up early and coming all the way to Buona Vista, to sit in front of my computer and do research.

But well, I’m in the last one and a half weeks of my internship and after I deliver my report, which is not done at all, I’ll be done with working for at least the next year.

Anyway, this entry is not suppose to whine about my work. it’s more to comment about the reflection on today’s Gospel.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus healed a leper with the touch of his hand. It showed how important the sense of touch is. I saw a reflection question that says “who are the lepers in your life? The people who need your healing touch but who repulse you?” This question made me think a long time about my personal actions and thoughts I develop when I meet people and build my first impression of them.

Who are we to judge?
Who are we to say that the person looks arrogant, or proud, or boastful?
Who are we to think that the person is ‘inferior’ to us?

Maybe these people are the ones that we should be reaching out to the most, the people who need our touch, our love and our concern. The reflection mentioned that the primary symptom is that they are difficult to love because they never try hard enough to change. But what if we are the ones not trying hard enough to change them, or maybe we are not dealing with the situation in the right way. Maybe we are trying to change them so that they can become who we like, but not who they are.

At the very end of the day, Jesus wants us to be messengers of His love to them. And we need to be the ones who reach out to these people for him. We have to put ourselves on the line to always forgive and forget the things that the person has done to harm and hurt us, but forgive like how Jesus would want us to forgive.

I’m not reflecting about individual people I need to administer forgiveness unto. It’s just a general reflection. A reflection that I have not had for a long time.

2009-04-19T14:21:00.000+08:00

I'm proud of myself. I did what I thought I didn't have the courage to do.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway.
=)

I LOVE myself. =)

2009-04-15T16:36:00.003+08:00

"She's Out Of My Life"

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
And I don't know whether to laugh or cry
I don't know whether to live or die
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
To think for two years she was here
And I took her for granted I was so cavalier
Now the way that It stands
She's out of my hands

So I've learned that love's Not Possession
And I've learned that love won't wait
Now I've learned that love needs expression
But I learned too late

She's out of my life
She's out of my life
Damned Indecision and cursed pride
Kept my love for her locked deep Inside
And it cuts like a knife
She's out of my life

Am into this song now.
Stressed from exams. Stressed. Stressed!
5 more days!!!

2009-04-10T11:37:00.000+08:00

10 more days... just 10...

2009-04-07T23:56:00.003+08:00

Today has been a bad day for me.

A really bad day.

Studying has been unproductive.

Choir practice was just filled with irritation.

And I found out an ugly truth about myself.

I miss the old Desiree who can be so hardworking.

I miss Darius (as a conductor) and the old Seraphim.

I miss the child in Desiree, who doesn't sin (that much).

Sads.

2009-04-07T00:17:00.003+08:00

stressed from studying.

stressed from a very slow progress.

stressed from ensuring my GPA doesn't drop any further.

stressed.

2009-04-04T16:40:00.000+08:00

My MPW Professor's final speech... enjoy!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '09... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

I love the line "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours"

2009-03-31T13:04:00.002+08:00

Today is Seraphim's last concert TOGETHER.

My feelings are numb.

I don't know whether I should be happy, or sad, or excited, or frightful.

So many different emotions in me.

What should I be feeling?

2009-03-30T14:04:00.000+08:00

I think I am really getting old. I can’t stay up past 2am, or else I have to have replenish my sleep by sleeping 10 hours or more for the consecutive two days. This is bad.

Friday night, I went to Junren’s birthday party at Aranda Country Club. Couldn’t be there early cause I had choir practice before that. (Darius should be happy to hear this!!!) The food was really good, and it was all made by his mum and aunties! Amazing huh? To cater for 100-200 people, but all home cooked food? I am utterly amazed!

During the night, Nadia mentioned that I became much happier when one my friends arrived, or rather, I should say, someone whom I was romantically close to last time. Sounds damn weird, but let me continue with my story.

Yes, I have to admit I was happy. But I wasn’t happy because I saw him or because I still had anything for him.

I am happy because we are still close friends despite what happened.
I am happy because he is still one of the closest friend I have in JC.
I am happy because I know that no matter what happen in future, he will be there when I need his help and I will be there when he needs mine. (although I think I will need his help more than he will need mine.)
I am happy because I realise that the end of a relationship doesn’t mean the end of a friendship.

So, I pray and hope that for everyone out there who is out of a relationship, don’t feel as if the world is collapsing around you. Maybe it’s just that you and him/her are more suitable to be friends. Maybe he/she isn’t the right one.

There will be always someone out there, in search of you. And you, in search of him/her. God has a plan for everyone. It just takes time before it is unfolded in front of you.

2009-03-24T23:48:00.003+08:00

did i tell you that i HATE management science?

no?

ok, here it is...

I HATE
MANAGEMENT SCIENCE!!!

2009-03-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

4 days till my last report is due.
8 days till Seraphim’s concert.
10 days till my last presentation.
13 days till the start of Holy Week.
20 days till the end of Holy Week.
22 days till the start of my exams.
28 days till the end of my exams.
29 days till the start of my summer holidays.

How come it seems so far away?

2009-03-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

When I am down and, oh my soul so weary;

When troubles come and my heart burdened me;

Then I am still and wait here in the silence;

Until you come and sit awhile with me.

Recently, I have been so tired of school and it is definitely taking a toil on me.

When I am faced with projects reports to rush, slides to make pretty, friends who are encountering problems and family who just makes my life even more difficult, I really don't know how to handle.

I just got back from Fides prayer meet and I found out that there's a high probability that I may fall easily into 'depression'.

Nope, I don't think its absurd.

I believe if one day I finally collapse, that would be the end of everything. The end.

But I hope that until my threshold is reached, I will be able to stand strong.

Marie was singing 'You raise me up' and so coincidentally, I heard it on my radio when my dad picked me up from the station.

Is there such things as coincidences?

Well, I think not.

I believe that God is trying to tell me something. All I need to do is come and sit awhile with HIM in the silence.

All I need to do is know that HE is there. Always there.

2009-03-16T14:19:00.002+08:00

stressed up about meeting project deadline.

and my mum is just not helping.

got to pray more during Lent.

seems like a goal that i would never be able to reach.

got to get back to work.

got to plan for project meeting.

got to finish up FIIM presentation.

got to prepare MPW slides.

GOT TO PRAY.

2009-03-15T17:43:00.000+08:00

Today was Seraphim’s AGM.

A lot of was on everyone’s mind I think. Ever since the idea of Church of Divine Mercy bring built.

Well, everyone had to make choices.

The choice to stay or to go.
The choice to follow your friends, or to be with your other friends.
The choice to serve a new neighbourhood of His children, or to serve the ones you are familiar with.
The choice to stay in your comfort zone or not.
The choice to be open about to discernment, or follow what your gut feeling thinks which may not be what He wants.
The choice to follow your heart or your mind.

Well, after today, everyone made their choice. But it doesn’t matter anymore.

Because at the very end of the day, we know that we are all serving HIM. And that’s what matter the most.

2009-03-14T00:39:00.000+08:00

WHAT TO GIVE UP . . .

Give up complaining. . . . . . . .focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism. . . . . . . . . become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments . . .think kindly thoughts.
Give up worry. . . . . . . . . . . . . trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement. . . . .be full of hope.
Give up bitterness. . . . . . . . . . turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred. . . . . . . . . . . . . return good for evil.
Give up negativism . . . . . . . . .be positive.
Give up anger. . . . . . . . . . . . . .be more patient.
Give up pettiness. . . . . . . . . . .become mature.
Give up gloom. . . . . . . . . . . . . .enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
Give up jealousy. . . . . . . . . . . .pray for trust.
Give up gossiping. . . . . . . . . . .control your tongue.
Give up sin. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . turn to virtue.
Give up giving up. . . . . . . . . . . hang in there!

2009-03-10T13:55:00.001+08:00

It’s been ages since I last blogged. Somehow, it seems like I don’t know how to blog anymore. Lots of things have kept me busy, mid-terms, assignments, preparation for tri-varsity (although it’s not really in full strength yet).

But things have not been going well for me, which is why I think I need to take time to rest and reflect about my life, where I’m heading to and where His direction is leading me to.

I was reading Father David’s blog, and his latest entry was regarding the homily of two Sundays ago. It was about loneliness. I never felt that I was lonely. I always had the company of friends, be it from Fides or from Church, but somehow I was never lonely. Even when I was alone, I didn’t get the feeling of loneliness because I always had technology around me, like my mobile phone which allows me to text my friend or my laptop which allows me to IM my friend. I was never lonely.

But somehow after reading Father’s entry, it made me wonder. Am I lonely? Does my joy come from my friends around me, or does my joy come from the Heavenly Father? Marie used to say, we should not be looking for happiness, instead we should be looking for joy. We should be looking for pure joy, which only God can give.

Quoting from Father’s entry: “We should ask ourselves if our joy comes from the assurance of being with God, or from being with people who like us? Does our happiness come from the little comforts of our life or from God alone? There is only one way to know. Testing it. Give up company, give up the little pleasures and see where your happiness goes?”

I ask myself if I am willing to give up company during this Lent. Somehow, the answer I always get is no. I guess I know why.

Because deep down inside of me, I know the joy I am feeling now is the joy I am getting from the people around me or the things that happen around me, not the joy that comes from God alone.

I have to get out of this pathetic state of mind(mine). I HAVE TO.

2009-02-16T20:25:00.001+08:00

I know I am here to blog because the week is going to turn out crazy for me.

It’s been stressful, coping with all the work and miscellaneous stuff I have to do including settling my internship interview.

Today I went to Civil Service College for an interview regarding one of the projects I applied. I don’t think I screwed up as badly as I thought I would have. Somehow, I have this phobia towards interviews. I think it all started because of the NUS interview that went so wrong in 2007. Gosh, I dislike NUS. (I don’t hate the people there; I just do not like the school). But anyway, the interview seemed alright. I don’t know if I would get it though cause like some of the points I said seemed a bit incoherent. And I zone out a bit when the person was speaking, and I had to answer a question regarding what he said. Hmmm, minus points. (Desiree gets tired so easily nowadays that she doesn’t even listen to what others are saying anymore.)

I hope I do get it though. Then I can stop doing all the stupid internship applications which takes up so much of my time.

The rest of the week, well, what do I have?
1. MS mid-term which is 35% of my final grade
2. BP mid-term which is 40% of my final grade
3. FIIM report due to my group mates which I owe since dunno-when
And I have to go to this week’s choir practice because I don’t want to miss P&W again.

Gosh. I’m so going to die terribly. Help me get past this week.

2009-02-09T01:48:00.001+08:00

I am not blogging because I can’t fall asleep at 1.45am. I am just blogging because I feel like blogging.

My beloved HP computer has just died on me again and again and so I have to send it for repair. Currently I am using Anthony’s old laptop, which is irritatingly slow, but I have no choice and I have to thank him sincerely for lending me because I am in dire need of Microsoft Office 07. I hope that I will be getting my Mac soon, although I think not that soon. (Oh no, I am blabbing).

But anyway, I was just reflecting on the past 20 years of my life. I remembered that in JC2, I mentioned something to one of my classmates.

I said, “I don’t really have friendship problems.” Then, I was comparing myself to my many friends who were facing troubles and had issues with their friends. I DIDN’T.

But NOW I DO. One of my resolutions was to take more time out for my old friends but not neglecting the current and new. I don’t know why it is such an arduous task, but it is. I seem to be losing friends everywhere.

Yes, I definitely do have some I can count on right now in my life, like Marie, Tracy, Samantha and Fen. But so many other people in my life seem to be just passing friends.

But I don’t want them to be passing friends. I want those friendships to remain, to stay strong and healthy. I want people to depend on when I need them and I want them to be able to depend on me when they need me.

A mountainous road to walk and I feel all alone. Isn’t that sad?

p.s. Please do not think I am suffering from depression or anything. I am perfectly fine. I am just affected by the fragility of friendships.
P.S. p.s. Don’t text me to comfort me because it is not going to help

2009-02-02T13:28:00.001+08:00

I’ll be trying to blog again these few days cause of the stress I am facing when I am at home and at school. There’s just so many things to do in Year 2, and it’s not like it’s Year 1 anymore.

1. I have to apply for my international exchange which involved an awfully plenty amount of procedures. But I am still doing it because it’s something I really really want to go for, together with Samantha and Marie.
2. I have to apply for internship, which is sucky cause I don’t really want to do it, but I have to anyway. And I haven’t found one that I like.
3. I have so many things to do at home because my mum can’t do everything by herself now due to unforeseen circumstances. I have not done so much housework in my life before!!!

On top of that all, I have my regular assignments and catching up in school work to do. Oh, did I mention that my MS prof is sick to the core. He gives homework every week, but that’s alright. The problem is he gives homework that even three brains together can’t solve the question!
Ok, but I am going to stop whining here. I am going to talk about happy things.

Yesterday, Seraphim had our New Year Celebration. It’s been quite a while since I went for such a gathering. I missed the Christmas one because (1) I didn’t even know about it and (2) I was so busy with post-Cambodia stuff.

But anyway, the celebration was good. We had lots of good food, I got the time to catch up with some of my old friends and of course, got to know some new ones better, like Melanie. I think Seraphim is going to be much more fun since now there are people of my age. There’s Gloria and Melanie and not forgetting Joanna! Seems like everything is taking a turn for the better.

But I think I would be forced to miss many of the upcoming events.
1. Easter Week is just before exams. So I am still thinking whether I can commit to all the practices. Hopefully I can cope with my work. Well, God always makes a way for those who serve Him right?
2. Probably going to give ‘Voyage of Songs’ a miss, though I would really want to increase my exposure. Going to be doing my internship then (hoping I will really get an internship soon). It’s going to be impossible to ask for a few days leave to go to Penang when I am only interning for 10 weeks. Not very nice on my records huh?
3. If I do get my exchange application approved, I will be leaving Seraphim for a whole 5 months! I will miss another Christmas with them. Crap.

Oh well, everything is still too early to plan. Somehow, things will change, because He has the ability to make things change. I’ll just see what He has in store for me!!! :)

Be concerned above everything else with the Kindgom of God and with what He requires of you, and He will provide you with all other things. So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own.
- Matthew 6:33-34

2009-02-01T00:07:00.004+08:00

THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS
by John William Smith
taken from www.thoughts-about-god.com

The Christmas of 1949 we didn’t have a tree.
My dad had as much pride as anybody, I suppose, so he wouldn’t just say that we couldn’t afford one. When I mentioned it, my mother said that we weren’t going to have one this year, that we couldn’t afford one, and even if we could – it was stupid to clutter up your house with a dead tree. I wanted a tree badly though, and I thought – in my naïve way – that if we had one, everybody would feel better.

Taking Matters into my Own Hand
About three days before Christmas, I was out collecting for my paper route. It was fairly late – long after dark – it was snowing and very cold. I went to the apartment building to try to catch a customer who hadn’t paid me for nearly two months – she owed me seven dollars. Much to my surprise, she was home. She invited me in and not only did she pay me, she gave me a dollar tip!
It was a windfall for me – I now had eight whole dollars. What happened next was totally unplanned.

On the way home, I walked past a Christmas tree lot and the idea hit me. The selection wasn’t very good because it was so close to the holiday, but there was this one real nice tree. It had been a very expensive tree and no one had bought it; now it was so close to Christmas that the man was afraid no one would. He wanted ten dollars for it, but when I – in my gullible innocence – told him I only had eight, he said he might sell it for that. I really didn’t want to spend the whole eight dollars on the tree, but it was so pretty that I finally agreed.

I dragged it all the way home – about a mile, I think – and I tried hard not to damage it or break off any limbs. The snow helped to cushion it, and it was still in pretty good shape when I got home. You can’t imagine how proud and excited I was. I propped it up against the railing on our front porch and went in. My heart was bursting as I announced that I had a surprise. I got Mom and Dad to come to the front door and then I switched on the porch light.

Surprise!!
"Where did you get that tree?" my mother exclaimed.
But it wasn’t the kind of exclamation that indicates pleasure.
"I bought it up on Main Street. Isn’t it just the most perfect tree you ever saw?" I said, trying to maintain my enthusiasm.
"Where did you get the money?" Her tone was accusing and it began to dawn on me that this wasn’t going to turn out as I had planned.
"From my paper route." I explained about the customer who had paid me.
"And you spent the whole eight dollars on this tree?" she exclaimed.

She went into a tirade about how stupid it was to spend my money on a dumb tree that would be thrown out and burned in a few days. She told me how irresponsible I was and how I was just like my dad with all those foolish, romantic, noble notions about fairy tales and happy endings and that it was about time I grew up and learned some sense about the realities of life and how to take care of money and spend it on things that were needed and not on silly things.
She said that I was going to end up in the poorhouse because I believe in stupid things like Christmas trees, things that didn’t amount to anything.

I Just Stood There
My mother had never talked to me like that before and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
I felt awful and I began to cry. Finally, she reached out and snapped off the porch light.
"Leave it there," she said.
"Leave that tree there till it rots, so every time we see it, we’ll all be reminded of how stupid the men in this family are."
Then she stormed up the stairs to her bedroom and we didn’t see her until the next day.
Dad and I brought the tree in and we made a stand for it. He got out the box of ornaments and we decorated it as best as we could; but men aren’t too good at things like that, and besides, it wasn’t the same without mom. There were a few presents under it by Christmas day – although I can’t remember a single one of them – but Mom wouldn’t have anything to do with it.
It was the worst Christmas I ever had.

Fast Forward to Today
Judi and I married in August of 1963, and dad died on October 10 of that year. Over the next eight years, we lived in many places. Mom sort of divided up the year – either living with my sister Jary or with us.

In 1971 we were living in Wichita, Kansas – Lincoln was about seven, Brendan was three and Kristen was a baby. Mom was staying with us during the holidays. On Christmas Eve I stayed up very late. I was totally alone with my thoughts, alternating between joy and melancholy, and I got to thinking about my paper route, that tree, what my mother had said to me and how Dad had tried to make things better.

I heard a noise in the kitchen and discovered that it was mom. She couldn’t sleep either and had gotten up to make herself a cup of hot tea – which was her remedy for just about everything. As she waited for the water to boil, she walked into the living room and discovered me there. She saw my open Bible and asked me what I was reading. When I told her, she asked if I would read it to her and I did.

The Truth Comes Out
When the kettle began to whistle, she went and made her tea. She came back, and we started to visit. I told her how happy I was that she was with us for Christmas and how I wished that Dad could have lived to see his grandchildren and to enjoy this time because he always loved Christmas so.
It got very quiet for a moment and then she said, "Do you remember that time on Twelve Mile Road when you bought that tree with your paper route money?"
"Yes," I said, "I’ve just been thinking about it you know."
She hesitated for a long moment, as though she were on the verge of something that was bottled up so deeply inside her soul that it might take surgery to get it out. Finally, great tears started down her face and she cried, "Oh, son, please forgive me."
"That time and that Christmas have been a burden on my heart for twenty-five years. I wish your dad were here so I could tell him how sorry I am for what I said. Your dad was a good man and it hurts me to know that he went to his grave without ever hearing me say that I was sorry for that night. Nothing will ever make what I said right, but you need to know that your dad never did have any money sense (which was all too true).
We were fighting all the time - though not in front of you - we were two months behind in our house payments, we had no money for groceries, your dad was talking about going back to Arkansas and that tree was the last straw. I took it all out on you. It doesn’t make what I did right, but I hoped that someday, when you were older, you would understand. I’ve wanted to say something for ever so long and I’m so glad it’s finally out."

Well, we both cried a little and held each other and I forgave her – it wasn’t hard, you know.
Then we talked for a long time, and I did understand; I saw what I had never seen and the bitterness and sadness that had gathered up in me for all those years gradually washed away.
It was marvelously simple.

The great gifts of this season – or any season – can’t be put under the tree; you can’t wear them or eat them or drive them or play with them. We spend so much time on the lesser gifts – toys, sweaters, jewelry, the mint, anise and dill of Christmas – and so little on the great gifts – understanding, grace, peace and forgiveness. It’s no wonder that the holiday leaves us empty, because when it’s over, the only reminders we have are the dirty dishes and the January bills.

The Great Gift
The great gifts are like the one gift – the gift that began it all back there in Bethlehem of Judea. You can’t buy them, and they’re not on anybody’s shopping list. They come as He came – quietly, freely, unexpectedly – and if you’re not careful, you’ll miss them entirely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you have unforgiveness in your life that is making life miserable for you? Why not let Jesus show you how to forgive those who have hurt you?

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life. Make me be the person you want me to be. Amen.
Saying this prayer is the first step towards a personal relationship with Jesus, who will guide and encourage you every step of the way.

2009-01-05T00:12:00.003+08:00

It’s been four days into the New Year. Tomorrow marks the start of a new school semester.
I
t’s the start of new beginnings. I have been saying that for the past few days.
But is the New Year actually any different? Should we actually make New Year resolutions? I heard over the radio that resolutions are not positive, because they focus on the imperfections perceived by ourselves about ourselves.

I never really thought about making resolutions until New Year’s Eve, at Tracy’s place, where everyone started talking about theirs.
So here I am. I am going to pen down some resolutions/imperfections I have.

Family

Without as many commitments this year, I think it’s time to spend quality time with them. Hopefully, I will be able to make time to go on a family holiday with my parents this year despite my internship schedule during summer holidays. And of course fulfil my basic duties as a daughter. I would like to learn how to cook too, from my mum of course. I think it’s time to start training to be a wife.

Friends

I realise that I tend to lose time to catch up with my friend when the school term starts. This is not going to be an excuse anymore. I am going to find time to go out with my secondary school mates, and of course, my junior college friends. Darren and gang will be on top of my list for suppers on Saturday nights. Calista, Jocelyn and the many secondary school friends will be on the top of my list for dinner dates. And of course, Nadia, Jessie, Grace and Sylvia for girl outings! I hope Stephanie will find time to come back to Singapore this holiday!

Serving God

No more commitments in Fides, which makes me feel a bit empty. I don’t know whether I will survive for long without commitments in school! Haha. I will definitely put choir as my priority this year! I am going to participate more actively in all their events. Hopefully, it will help my spiritual growth as well.

Personal

1. Exercise
Notice I didn’t type lose weight. This is a resolution I never keep. In fact, the results always seem to be opposite. So I am just going to keep fit. Gyming sessions with Marie and Hui Fen are a must during school term. Maybe I should go into a sport, like recreation tennis with some of the Fides peeps!

2. To be more frugal
I think I am a rather impulsive person, and so is my mum. And because of the influence both ways, I am finding it hard to control my shopping and spending habits. This year, I will attempt to cut down my expenditure on clothes, shoes and bags. Food is still a must, but less extravagant meals.

Hopefully, in this New Year I will be able to meet these resolutions I made. :)

Happy New Year everyone!

May God shower you with more blessings in this New Year and bless you with good health!

2008-11-16T14:46:00.002+08:00

Today Father Bosco came back to Holy Trinity.
It seemed so normal to see him, so much so that i didn't even realise until he came unto the pulpit at the Gospel.
I was thinking to myself... I have heard this voice somewhere before, it is so familiar. Oh ya, it is Father Bosco.
Haha, it took a while for the message to settle in.
He gave a very good homily. And he told us that he was going to take part in a full marathon to help raise funds for Divine Mercy. Parishioners of Divine Mercy should be very glad that so many people are involved in spreading the love and raising money for their new church.
And he shows the very touching video, "The Iron Man", where the father carried his child along in a triathlon and finish the race.
Although I watched it so many times already, I never fail to cry, but this time I had to control so badly because I was in the midst of people I do not know.
I guess if I was singing with the choir, I would have cried badly already. Haha.
Well, all I can say is that I miss Father Bosco badly and I am so glad he came back to preach today.
He managed to turn my grey day into one full of colours!!!

2008-11-16T00:44:00.002+08:00

I never had the thought of killing someone going through my head, but now, there is one person in my mind who can fit that character.

2008-11-10T23:32:00.003+08:00

Here i am blogging at while waiting for Hui Fen to call me because she is still washing up from her training. Tomorrow is finance presentation and yes i am freaked out because finance is my weakest module that i am taking this sem... next to CAT, IE and MA. haha.

In two weeks time, everything will be over. All the stress, all the anxiety, all the exams will be over and I will be leading a life of peace and calmness again, until the next journey begins in January.

For now, I guess I just have to be happy that I have the chance to receive such wonderful gifts of educations and friends.

What do we gain from all our work? I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us. He has set the right time for everything. He has given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does. So I realise that all we can do is be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive.
Ecclesiastes 3 : 9-12

2008-10-27T01:04:00.003+08:00

Patience and Prayer

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. So then, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so that you will be healed. The prayer of a good person has that powerful effect.
-James 5:13-16

I came across this chapter when I was in the Chapel this morning. All these while, I have been thinking. Maybe it’s true when people say that problems are sometimes made up by the person’s own wandering minds. I thought about how empty it would feel without singing praises for God during every opportunity I can. I thought of how my life would be like without my Faith. And I realised that I would be leading a very sad life if I didn’t have all these blessings in my life.

One thing I have realised that I will never let go, is that I will never give up any opportunity I have to sing for God. I may not have the best voice, I may not have the musically talents, and I may be so distracted during Mass that I start to lack personal prayer time with God, but I still wouldn’t want to give up my opportunity. This is the first week I chose to take a break from choir, but I still couldn’t help up go back for practice and sing with the rest of the choir on the loft. This is the one and only commitment I can give wholeheartedly to my Faith now, and I will do my best to ensure that I don’t lose that.

My God does have mysterious ways of giving me answers. Different sources, different expressions, different people, different language. But at the end of the day, He knows that I will get the message when He has sent so many of his angels to lead the way.

Taming the Tongue

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
-James 3:6, 9-10

Judgement, wrong in every single way, cannot be put more clearly into words for me to comprehend than these phrases. I have to control my tongue, and once I have tamed my tongue, many of the other problems I have will be able to be solved on its own.

To my all powerful and ever-living God, thank You!

2008-10-25T11:23:00.002+08:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, about where I want to go in my life, what I want to do in my life and what God wants me to do in my life. While I don’t have the answer yet to the last part of the statement above, I think I roughly know which direction I want to take now.

When I look back at the teenage times in my life (not that now I am not a teenager), I realise that so many times I have tried to change myself, or fit myself into a group where I become the person they want me to be, or the person I should be so that I will complement the group dynamics. But how many times have I really been who I want to be? And I would have to say that in the past, I don’t have the courage to stand up to my fears, my unrealised dreams and aspirations.

Right now though, I think I have come to a point in time where I just want to carefree. I don’t want to have too many worries, which may make me feel inadequate. I want to be able to go on exchange when I want to. I want to say things and do things which show who I really am, without thinking whether this will or will cause people to forms judgement about the community. I want to be able to take time off to whirl off into a world of my own if I want to. All in all, I just want to be me.

And I guess I am saying all these through the thought process of serving another term in the core team of Fides. For once, I am going to be selfish. I am only going to care for myself. I don’t want to care about how much I can give to the community, because I believe that there are others who can do it to. I don’t want to care about being a supporter to whoever is in charge, because I am very vulnerable and in need of support too. And I am also sure there are other supporters available.

The Cost of Following Jesus
As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go." Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." He said to another man, "Follow me." But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

If I am not able to give up all these things to be a leader in Fides, then maybe I should not. I know I don’t want to take up the cross not because I am not ready, but maybe because I am not ready to give up everything of me for others.

2008-10-23T01:41:00.000+08:00

Things have been taking a toll on me these few days. Accompanied by my PMS, stress from all the project work which I am trying so hard to meet the deadline and weekly quizzes that has filled my calendar since two months ago, somehow, I think I am now very affected by things that are going around me.

Today, I realised that a few of my friends have started smoking out of the sudden. Maybe it is because of the stress from school. Maybe they have just been sucked into the whole trend of being cool means knowing how to smoke. I have no idea. They are old enough to know what is good and bad for them. But seeing my friends getting hooked unto smoking is like watching a friend choose to commit suicide, just that this suicide takes a longer time to happen.

I am not their mothers and I don’t think even their mothers have the ability to control them. But all these just made me reminisce the past. Reminisce the times where everyone did not have to worry about so many things, when all the people around you were good influence.
I visited my junior college class blog today and the blog skin was changed to photos that we took two years ago, when we were still 17 or 18. And Bryan, Wei Shun and Darren also put up some photos of them in Vietnam. They seem so happy, so carefree, so different from the people I hang around with right now.

Maybe it’s the university life, maybe it is the stress from the world we are facing.

But stress does not end, and university life is for students to enjoy. Are these all mere excuses for us to do things that will eventually harm our health? I really don’t think so.

I know I should not form my judgement and I know in the eyes of many people, I may seem naïve and caught in my own world. But at least I know that in my world, people don’t do things to harm themselves and allow the people around them to worry for them. In my world, people show unconditional love through their simple thoughts words and actions. All I want to do is remain in that world and how I wish, people around me has the same vision too.

2008-10-11T23:00:00.003+08:00

The Prayer of a Student

Holy Spirit,
be behind me to support me,
in front of me to guide me,
above me to grant me wisdom,
beside me to hold my hand and walk with me,
within me to help live life abundantly,
and give me all the graces i need to live, move and breathe the life of Jesus in me,
so that my foundation in life would be built on the Power of the Word of God flowing from the Scriptures.

Dear Blessed Mother,
help me to say "YES" to God so that I would, like you,
magnify the Lord and proclaim
"The Almighty has done great things for me, Holy is His Name."

2008-09-28T01:47:00.000+08:00

It’s been a rather long time since I blogged, and I think I must be crazy to blog during the most hectic few weeks I have in SMU. This term has been one traumatising one for me, maybe because of the extra modules that I am taking and the extra responsibilities that I have to bear. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining here, but I realised that the ore stress I become, the more I lose my temper easily and get distracted. But I am glad that God has given me the chance to do so many things which I may not have the courage to take up by my own will.

These few weeks, I have been rushing my CAT assignments, preparing for FT interviews and mugging for my Finance and MA quizzes and tests. Next week I will have another two mid terms, which has very high weightage and I am totally not prepared for. All these mugging and studying has made me wonder, why do people actually study? I used to be able to tell people that I like university life because it is more flexible and it seems like it is more of my part-time job. My commitments to Fides and Church seem to be more like a full-time job.

But coming to year 2, I think the situation is totally different and I am sure as the years progress, it will get worse. But why do we study so hard? Because we want to do well, to get a high GPA and get a good paying job? Or because we want to do better than our friends because of our pride? Or maybe it is just because we want to satisfy our parents and maintain their hopes for their children? Well, I haven’t found my answer to the question of why I am studying, but I do know that I like studying more than working and that I am using that as a motivation for me to press on in the ever competitive environment like SMU.

Met up with a few of my long lost friends like Calista, Bernie and Carlene too during Bernie’s birthday party. It’s been so long since I last saw some of them and I really miss the secondary school times where we did not have to think so much, where the responsibilities on our shoulders weren’t as heavy as them now. At that time, we were only 16, and we thought we had the world in our hands. Now we are 20, we realise that the world consists of so much more dreams that we might not be able to reach in our entire lives.

After Bernie’s party, I met up with the councillors in TPJC. Not all of them turned up as usual, but it was definitely nice seeing Jaspreet, Sujana and Nadia… the four of us back in action again. Together with Ming Hao, Benin, Ili, Fatin, Ranjani, Iskandar and Vinod, we talked about almost everything under the sky. As we chatted, I realised that people around me are forever changing. Some of them have gone from single to attach or the other way around, some of them have really grown into outstanding individuals and some of them have chosen to walk very different routes from what most of us would take. While I know that those paths aren’t easy to take, I am glad that they have done their best and gave their all, bearing the consequences of their actions and making the best of the situation. For now, all I can do for the people around me is PRAY.

And I am going to end my entry with …

Heavenly Father, I pray for all my friends that you will guide them on their life’s journey. Be with them through their ups and downs and help them know that whatever they go through, it is because you have a greater plan in mind for them. Keep them safe and bless them with good health and happiness. :)

2008-09-07T16:53:00.002+08:00

To: My Heavenly Father

Father,
I would like to dedicate this prayer to my friends, especially those who have been working hard to serve You and Your church.

Lord,
give them the wisdom to discern what You want of them,
give them the courage to do Your will and not what human selfishness wants of them,
give them the strength to press on even though times may be hard and things may not be going smoothly.

Lord,
help us to remember that in everything we do for You and Your church, it's for Your glory and not our own.
It's not easy to forget our selfish desires, to want glory for ourselves, but Lord help us to always keep You in mind and know that we are serving You.
In everything we do, in every action we make, in every word we say, help us to be like Your son, Jesus. Help us to be Christ to everyone around us.

Nevertheless, when we do fall into temptation, remind us that You are always around for us. You are like a Father, who will care for us when we fall and will provide a helping hand whenever we need. Help us never to lose sight of You.

Father, I know you love every single child you have made here on earth. Continue to shower and bless us with your abundant love.

From,
Your child
Desiree

2008-08-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

I was reading through one of my friend's blog when i came across this line.
"Have you ever felt that your life lacks something although you know you are not in need of anything?"
Somehow i think this applies to me nowadays.
I know I have everything.
I have a God who loves me so much.
I have family and friends who are there when I need them.
I have a comfortable home to live in which can withstand all types of weather.
I have the chance to receive tertiary education, which some people can't even dream of having.
I have three meals on my table everyday to keep me full.
I have nice clothes in my wardrobe waiting for me to put them on.
I have clean water to bathe with every morning when I get up.
I have television programmes to watch when I am bored.
I have everything, yet somewhere out there, my heart feels like I am lacking something.
Somewhere in my heart, there is a wound not healed and it's hurting right now. It's causing a sense of emptiness inside me.
What is the cause of that hurt and emptiness? I guess that's for God to know and for me to find out.

2008-08-23T10:53:00.001+08:00

It's been one week since school started.
Ask me if I am excited about school, I would have to say, yes I am.
It’s not that I love staying in the library to mug, or I like sitting for exams. It is just a phase in life where I feel I am most comfortable with.
I like studying, I like being a student and most of all, I know I can fulfil my responsibilities as being a student. I can’t say the same when it comes to finding a job in future.

During Monday’s Finishing Touch class, we were asked about our goals and ambitions, about which industry we would like to carve a career in future.
On paper, I could list down a few, like banking and finance, public relations and hospitality.
However, when I ask myself whether I could picture me working in a bank, or a hotel, or just anywhere, my answer is no.
Maybe I am not ready for the corporate world, maybe I just don’t want to be ready for it.

Yes, I have to agree that the main reason of studying in a tertiary institution is to prepare oneself for a career.
However, can’t students just be there to learn, just to pursue knowledge, and not for future riches and status?
In a materialistic world today, I think it is highly impossible.
But I know there are people who did it, and people who are in the midst of juggling their pursuit of knowledge and expectations of themselves.
I will strive to be one of them!

Till the next time,
Take care and God bless.

Love,
Desiree

2008-08-17T22:40:00.002+08:00

tomorrow is the start of a new school term.
tomorrow i will be officially in year 2.
tomorrow will be the start of mugging for the next 4 months.
everything starts tomorrow.

i miss school, because of my friends and the bond i share with them.
but i don't miss school because i don't want to go back and be part of the paper chase.
and i miss all the free time i have doing all the things i like during the holidays.

but my role right now in life is a student. and so, i will take on my reponsibility as a student. yay!!!

everytime i see him, it's like falling in love all over again.

2008-08-05T22:46:00.003+08:00

ask me if i regret getting all dirty and sweaty for the camp...
ask me if i regret having to endure my worst enemy, the sun because of the camp...
ask me if i regret sleeping late and getting up early for the night before the camp...
ask me if i regret not skipping bondue for my LTM briefing...
ask me if i regret not leaving my group on 2nd of august to perform for paralympics...
ask me if i regret taking out that time to be at bondue camp rather than anywhere else...
ask me if i regret looking at my freshies having so much fun when they are drunk...
ask me if i regret losing my voice from all the shouting...
ask me if i regret being a facilitator for bondue camp...

girls (from left): denise, liane, jeslin, daphne, sheri, stella

guys (from left): sherman, ying bin, alex, wei ren, jeremy

dirty but still loving it!!!

still smiling despite being soooo tired after station games...

yes yes, bullying terence and i... but we still love them... :)

well, my answer to all those questions are NO!!!
i love my group.
i love bondue run 1 team 5.
WOW!

Love,
Desiree

2008-07-30T19:09:00.002+08:00

my blog was down for two days...
and because i am a computer retard, i couldn't have it up until today...
all thanks to Joseph, it's up again! yay!
bondue camp is arriving soon.
i should be feeling excited right? but i am not.
there's just so many things i want to do on the 2nd of august.
first of all, i have the LTM briefing, which i am going to skip because of that.
secondly, Seraphim is asked to perform for Paralympics. However, i can't go... why? cause i have to be at the bondue camp! argh.
so how to be excited about the camp???

but, I STILL HAVE TO BE EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!

2008-07-27T22:09:00.001+08:00

This is my second post of the day.
And it’s not going to be a happy one.

It’s directed to one person, but I don’t think the person will ever know because he doesn’t read my blog.
Seriously, I mean, I don’t get his attitude when he talks.
Yes, I did say I was free on that day and that if we wanted to arrange something it would be fine with me.
But you didn’t confirm with me until 10pm the night before and it wasn’t even because you informed me, but because I messaged your girlfriend to ask her out.
And when I said I can’t make it but all the other guys have been informed already, you mentioned that I should have told you earlier.
COME ON, SINCE ALL THE OTHER GUYS CAN MAKE IT THEN JUST GO AHEAD AND PLAY WITHOUT ME!
I DON’T THINK THERE WILL BE MUCH DIFFERENCE WITH ME OR WITHOUT ME!

Oh yes I am pissed right now cause I just can’t stand how egoistic some people can get. Oh my goodness!

Pissed mood.
Don't talk to me now.

2008-07-27T15:41:00.003+08:00

Event 2
Meeting a US Military Officer

On Thursday night, after the Papal Arrival procession at Barangaroo, Samantha and I decided to go our own way to St. Brigid’s Church for a session on SEX. Haha, yes, it was about sex. We thought it would be more of a sharing session when they broke us up into groups, but the lady, from Macau (if I remembered correctly), finished early at 8.15pm instead of 10. We had extra time to kill before we got back for our nightly session at 10.45pm at Paul Street.

So Samantha and I wanted to walk around. And we did. However, we did not expect this US Military guy to join us. He not only joined us, but he shared his entire life story with us.

Well, first of all, he is only 27, and he had three lovely children and a beautiful wife at home. I saw a picture of his baby girl, and she was so cute. How I wish I could cuddle and hold her tightly. As a military officer, he doesn’t always get the chance to go back to a wonderful home at 6pm every day. Instead, he only gets to see his family once a year, sometimes else than that. How many of us in Singapore would ever think of this? How many of us would be able to struggle with staying away from our family, our growing children and getting the chance to only see them once a year?

And, as a military officer, there are just so many things that he has to do which is contrary to what the church teaches. One of the Ten Commandments teaches us not to kill. But for him, he has to. He has to so that his comrades will not die, to protect his people, to stay live. For him, he said he had to struggle with that for a while, but somehow, after being to Iraq, Afghanistan and so many other countries, he has gotten used to it. (not that he is taking a gun going around to shoot people now)
For me, I can never imagine myself put into the situation where I have to decide between taking someone else’s life or allowing myself to take someone’s life. I don’t think I would be able to make that serious decision within a split second and most probably, I would be dead by then.

I think the fact that he is still alive and that God allows him to go back to his family once a year is just a miracle in itself.

So for all the people reading this, please pray for all the men and women sacrificing their freedom to protect their country. Pray for world peace and that less people will lose their lives during war. Pray for the women who have to face separation from their husbands. And pray for the children who would only be able to experience their father’s love from afar.

1st session of Theology of the Body.

Look at the amount of people in the auditorium!!!

This was a poster put up for pilgrims all over the world to paint. It wasn't taken on the last day, so i guess a lot of colours weren't added yet. I bet the picture on the last day turned out to beautiful.

At the Asian Youth Conference.
Saw Germaine from NUS-CSS.

Look at how desperate the people were in just wanting to get the chance to take a glance at the Pope on stage. (Did i mention i was one of them?)
The picture below is every worse!!!

Love,
Desiree

2008-07-24T23:20:00.003+08:00

World Youth Day is an experience that is so hard to describe in words. Pictures aren't enough to describe it as well.

First of all, I would like to thank Patrick and Geraldine for organising this event. Without them, there wouldn't be a Fides World Youth Day pilgrimage. And without them, I don't think I would have ever gone for WYD.
So, thank you so very much for all the stuff you two have done.

Secondly, I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who made WYD possible, from the airline crew who took us to Sydney, to the volunteers who helped pack the food and guide the lost sheep around, to the policemen ensured our safety, to the bus drivers who volunteered to work extra hours so that we would have transport to and fro, to the station operators who always smiled at us early in the mornings and late at nights, to the toilet cleaners who keep the washroom clean for our usage.

A BIG BIG thank you to all of you...

Now, I will go into my pilgrimage.

It's going to be impossible to pen down everything that happened, so I will just pick the events that left the deepest impression in my heart.

Event 1
Adoration at the Sydney Opera House

For me, adoration is never my form of prayer with God. I can have a relationship with God when I am praying before I sleep, when I attend Mass, or when I receive his body and blood. However, it is never the case during adoration.

I wasn’t totally excited about going for adoration on the 14th of July, and somehow, we seem to be losing too many people on the way. Some of them fell sick, some got injured and some needed to take care of those who were not fit. At the end, only 7 of us managed to go to the Sydney Opera house for adoration.

However, the experience was something I never felt before in my life. Beside the cross, there was this phrase, “I thirst”. Looking at it, I realised how often I thirst for a relationship with God during the times I spend in adoration, that I never really let him take control of my thoughts and my emotions. I never surrender my everything to him. But this time, I managed to. I felt a sense of peace which I have never felt before. My heart was calm, my thoughts were clear, my emotions were strong. Everything just felt right. Everything in my life just became so insignificant when compared to standing in God’s presence.

I am beginning to fall in love with adoration. I hope my desire for this Blessed Sacrament continues to burn and stay alive in my heart.

Some pictures to look at. Will continue with the other significant events that happened during WYD in another entry.

Samantha and I entertaining ourselves in the airport cafe while waiting for the airport transfer to take us to our hostel.

Outside St. Mary's Cathedral.
St. Mary's Cathedral is one of the prettiest places I have seen so far. Although it's old, it is so well maintained. And you can just feel the grandness (if there is such a word) of celebrating a Mass there. I missed the chance of attending Mass there though. Would have loved to have gone for one.

The last part of the journey of the cross and the icon. We actually got the chance to go near the cross and the icon, which travelled around almost the entire world already. So many people have touched it and I am sure the cross touched the lives of many others.

At Darling Habour, taken during one of our walks to Barangaroo, where all the mass events were held.

Look the the amount of people walking. And path that I captured in this picture wasn't even the main route. Haha.

Look forward to the next post!!!

May the Lord keep you safe.
God bless.

2008-07-24T19:35:00.001+08:00

yes, i'm back from sydney.
had a blast.
just changed by blogskin.
will update my world youth day experience after i have uploaded my photos on facebook. :)

2008-07-11T23:59:00.005+08:00

Yes yes... i promised to blog about lots of stuff...
Shall start from last Tuesday.

Wednesday i went to help out with the late Archbishop's funeral.
I remembered the last time i saw him was during carolling in december.
Although his health wasn't in tip top condition, he still got off his bed and started chatting with us.
He even clapped and hummed along to our songs.
It was such a moving scene.
Definitely i wasn't close to him in the past, but he has indeed left a lasting memory with me and I will cherish the times that God has given me to interacted with him.

Something not very nice happened during that day too.
I witnessed an argument between two friends.
Two friends who had a really close friendship in the past, but have drifted away.
And part of the reason is because of me.
Yes, one of them told me that it wasn't my fault, and that everything happened because of their difference in opinion.
But they managed to get along fine for the past 7 years.
I just don't see how their friendship can take such a drastic turn. Hai.

Last Thursday we went for Seth's birthday celebration.
Had dinner at Fish and Co.
Seth had to stand on the chair while the Fish and Co. employees were doing their cheer. And he was so enthusiastic about it. SPORTSMANSHIP!!!

After that we went to Luo Yi's house to chill out and play some games.
And i got high so fast.
I had to drink Fen's share cause she was going to drive later.
So i had a double dosage. And usually, i don't drink that fast.
It was so embarrassing that i turned red so fast... but what to do, good blood circulation lar... =P
All in all, it was indeed a fun experience.
Got to know new friends like Shi Hui, Luo Yi and Kelvin...
Floorballers are indeed a bunch of fun people.

Friday was Fides core team meeting.
We didn't have our core team meeting in the boring gsr this time. It was in Raffles City Starbucks.
I thought it was good as it might help lift the very tense atmosphere that i knew we were going to have.
But no, it did not really help.
I realise as we progress on our term in office, the differing opinions from people start to appear.
It seems like the people in the core team are heading in all sorts of different direction.
A direction that they personally want for themselves, not a direction the community should have.
Yes, we can all talk it out and compromise and get to a decision in the end.
But the process is just so draining.
Everyone has to argue so strongly for their stand.
I pray hard that when we have the next core team meeting, everyone will get a clearer picture.
Just praying...

Over the weekend i had bondue mock camp...
Gosh, the camp was fun, but disgusting at the same time.
Shall not reveal too much now, or else it would spoil the fun for the next mock camp facilitators and the freshman. (not that the freshmen are reading my blog)

After bondue camp i rushed down to St. Teresa's for WYD spiritual preparation session.
Somehow i thought this spiritual preparation session was going to be something interesting and new.
And i guess it was, just that i felt the ambience was not ideal.
Yes, it was in the Chapel, but precisely it's in the Chapel that's why it wasn't ideal.
The Chapel is a place to pray and communicate with God.
Not a place for games like Charades.
But i guess through the session, we all got to know one another better.
And i am glad the session achieved its objective.

This week's Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday was spent in school getting people to sign up for Matriculation.
We are still short of people for the camp.
So I hope by international matriculation, there will be enough people for the camp.
On Monday I met the usual floorballers for lunch to celebrate Hui fen's birthday. Yay!!!
Happy birthday to my FBB!!!
We had lunch at NYDC. It was a nice meal and we had a beautiful cake filled with 20 candles.
I wanted something special, so we decided to go for 20 small candles instead of 2 bid ones. Haha.
Fen had so much trouble blowing. Haha.
Clive and the rest posted her present to her, whereas I prepared the scrapbook for her.
some of the pictures of the scrapbook is attached below.
My first time doing a scrapbook single-handedly ok. *pats myself on the shoulder*
Good job desiree!!!

And i will skip all the way to today.
I went to Emix's dance performance today.
It was interesting.
Personally i have never been to a concert which is entirely dance. Musicals yes, but dance, nope.
And moreover, it was hip hop.
But i did witness many talents in SMU.
The people around me whom i wouldn't have known they had so much talent if i didn't go for the concert.
And i really thank God for giving them these talents so that they can share their joy with others.
To see the joy on their faces when the curtain closed, it was worth much more than the amount i paid to watch the concert.

Flying off to Sydney for World Youth Day tomorrow.
I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED.
I guess i will update more when i get back.

2008-07-09T16:40:00.001+08:00

been so busy over the past few days because of matriculation...
will update before i leave for sydney...

2008-06-29T23:55:00.006+08:00

Went to Holy Family's Youth Choir - Genesis II choir concert just now with a few of the Seraphims.
It was an interesting performance.
They seem to be able to bring the message of each song across to the audience in such a touching way.
And it was so heartwarming to see their fellow parishioners coming down on a Sunday evening to hear them sing. It really shows how much support they are getting from their fellow Catholics.
It reminds me about the time we were in Church of Divine Mercy (KL), where 3/4 of the congregation stayed back to watch us perform.
Gosh... touched touched touched...

Jeremy, Joanna and I

Yes, it's Joanna and I again.

Seraphim!!! We should do another concert in Holy Trinity too!!!

Genesis II

Genesis II singing my favourite song - Five Loaves and Two Fishes

2008-06-28T02:12:00.002+08:00

yes, i have to get this off my chest...
i just experience the worse night of my life, or rather, the most 'LOST' night of my life.

after choir, i left for Chelsea's house.
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT:
1. My phone died!!! I couldn't contact anyone to just confirm where the place is or even if they were still there.
2. The cab driver did know where the place was and I didn't want to get lost in the cab at 10.30pm.
3. After i borrowed the phone from melanie to call some people, none of them picked up. The only person who picked up was Vincent, who was at a retreat.
4. I got into a cab, which missed the entrance to the road... But the taxi driver was driving at 50km/h. AND HE WAS SCOLDING PEOPLE FOR HORNING AT HIM. (Oh come on, who wouldn't???)
5. Upon reaching Chelsea's house, I rang the doorbell but no one answered. (I assume they were not at her house cause there weren't that many shoes around)
6. Assuming that they would be at the clubhouse or something, i went there but found another group of people instead.
7. Tried borrowing the phone from them, but somehow i couldn't get the contacts i wanted. Vicky's, Loreen's, Valerie's, Quanda's name were all not there.
8. The security guard was so pissed at me cause I delayed the locking time for him.

But I am glad that God sent so many people to help me when i was so lost.
1. The strangers I met at the clubhouse who so willingly took out their phones to lend me to call my friends.
2. Uncle Mel who wanted to lend me his phone till Sunday, but I stupidly rejected.
3. Chelsea's dad who kindly helped me locate all of them.
4. The security guard who was sooooo pissed at me but still helpfully gave me directions.

Lessons learnt:
1. always willing accept offers given to you, because you will really need them when you are in a desperate situation
2. always charge your phone and make sure it doesn't die on you
3. ensure that you did point 2 above
4. just REMEMBER number 2 and 3

Horrible day!!!

2008-06-23T23:27:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling awful right now.
The only thing i want to do is sleep and read.
It's only when i'm doing those things that my mind stops wandering to where it shouldn't go.
When i sleep, brain activity decreases and i don't have to face the reality of what i am going through right now.
When i read, i'm drawn into a fantasy world with no troubles and worries.
Why does it feel so horrible deep down instead?
Why?
I need to get out of this.
Out of this stupid mental mess i am in.
This feeling sucks.
Can't you just go away?

2008-06-21T13:18:00.008+08:00

yes, i have been getting constant reminders from my choir mates that i should update my blog... and now i will...
Shall start from the 1st day.

13th-14th May 2008

I found out that my room-mate, Janelle won't be able to go for the KL trip. So there was a change in roomies, and i shared room with Joanna. It was so fun having her as my roomie. Our room was basically a huge mess though. (What do you expect when you put two teenange girls together??? )

In the coach at night departing for KL. (It was a cold cold night.)

Arrived at the hotel safely about 4am in the morning. I think we were creating too much noise till our neighbour came out and scolded us.
But as Singaporeans, we politely said we are sorry and went back to our business of unpacking. How could you expect us to not make noise when we are all so excited about the days to come???

Morning breakfast at one of the coffee shops in the backlanes. I had stomachache after my bowl of wanton mee. Haha.

In the afternoon, we headed for the 1st parish.
Church of the Assumption.
It was a small parish, but still the crowd was a good size. Haha. At least we didn't have to immediately face a large crowd and suffer from stage fright.

We decided that we would do the 'SMU jump' at every parish. Sort of my idea lar, but the youngsters went along. It was sooooo fun.

Our 2nd parish was Church of Divine Mercy... the KL one.. haha..
The parish was beautiful. The people were so welcoming and they treated us with so much warmth. We joined in the ending of their Saturday evening mass and the whole congregation was actually singing along. They even sang "We are one in the bond of love" to welcome the new people to the community. After mass, we had our performance and we were quite surprise that so many people actually stayed back to watch us. Amazing isn't it?
After our actual performance, we were outside taking photos and all, they actually asked us for an encore performance.
All in all, I think I enjoyed interacting with the people from the Church of Divine Mercy the most.

Yes, we are jumping again outside Church of Divine Mercy.

This was taken inside the main church itself. It was so beautifully decorated. And this was the only church that i was not dripping (cause there was air-con).

Dinner at Nando's after the 1st day's successful performances.
The chicken was sooo goood.... juicy and sweet.. tasty and delicious... :)

15th June 2008

We went to three parishes on the 2nd day of performances.
St. John's Cathedral, Church of Our Lady of Fatima, Church of the Lady of Lourdes.
St. John's Cathedral was sooo big, it was like Cathedral of the Good Sherperd in Singapore. People from all over the place came to St. John's Cathedral and there are exceptionally a lot of Africians, (i think).
I hope enjoyed the song SIYAHAMBA. Didn't manage to get any photos at St. John's though.

Next parish was Church of Our Lady of Fatima. I was so touched when Father Clarence actually said a closing prayer for us, blessing us with so much more blessings.
Although we didn't get to sing in the main church hall, the audience were still ever supportive and enjoyed the music we brought to them entirely.
I didn't manage to get any photos at this church too, will get them soon enough.

Last of all, we went to the Church of the Lady of Lourdes, where we did our performance and also sang for mass. The people there were so enthusiastic. I have never heard a congregation sang so loudly before.
And because it was Father's Day, they had a special dedication to Father Frederick. And we sang "Wherever You Are" for him. It was an orginal song written by Darius, but the congregation managed to catch the words and tune and sang along with us.
It was such a powerdul feeling to experience at that moment. Just imagining people singing wholeheartedly, full of emotions to a song that they just learnt. It was simply a miracle.

Main church of Church of the Lady of Lourdes.

16th May 2008

The next two days were free and easy for us...
So it was shopping shopping and more shopping... :)

Lunch at the Chicken Rice stall.

We headed to KLCC for photo-taking. They tried so hard to get the twin towers into the picture. And they did, finally, but i couldn't find that photo. Haha.
When we went into the shopping centre to look around, the place was shaking so badly i could feel the vibrations when i stood still.

Look at the poses of those who were trying to capture the whole twin tower with us in it. Haha.
This photo totally captured the moment... =P

This was taken at Times Square, were they have the largest indoor theme park. Some of them went to take the roller coaster.

17th May 2008

Chinatown... so messy and so many fake goods. Goodness. It was so terrible squeezing through the crowd.

We went to Rum Jungle, Planet Hollywood and Hard Rock to party the nights away... Too many photos to decribe. Go to facebook and look!!!

Gosh, i do look high!!! Maybe i had too much to drink already.

Aren't we hot?!

18th May 2008

This was our last day in KL.
Before we left, i managed to snap some photos with the people who i really got to know better after the trip.

Thank you Jeremy for being there when i needed you most during the trip. Thank you for listening to me whine, for comforting me when there was no one else around to make me happy and for sharing your stories with me. Thanks. :)

Thank you roomie!!! For all the nights and for all the fun we had!!!

Words can't decribe the wonderful experience i had in KL. Hopefully our plans to go Indonesia next year will come true!!!

2008-06-18T21:04:00.001+08:00

back from Malaysia already. so tired now.
shall blog about it tomorrow!!!

2008-06-09T14:39:00.001+08:00

Song Lyrics

very attracted to this song for now... :)

2008-06-06T23:22:00.003+08:00

It’s been quite a long time since I last updated my blog, so I think I should make the effort to.

It’s been exactly a week since I got back from Cambodia.
Funny how time flies in Singapore.
In Cambodia, everything slows down, maybe because of the lack of technology, the lack of the hustle and bustle of city life.
There is nothing we need to chase after, nothing to worry about (maybe except the bugs).
The Cambodia experience will be one that I will never forget.

It's funny how we are always chasing after something in Singapore, knowing that even if eventually we do attain what we strive to achieve, we will still want more.
If we do fail (which is seldom the case) we will change our direction and go for something else, but nevertheless, chase after something we so badly want to get.
We seldom stop to appreciate what has been given to us.
In Cambodia, because we are thrown into a world which can only sustain our basic needs, we learn to start thanking God for everything in our lives.
(I don't know if I am speaking for the rest of the team, but it is definitely true for me.)

Looking at the village children, you can only see a face of innocence and fulfilment in their eyes.
Never once will you see anger, selfishness, hatred, despair or anguish.
Every single one of them seem so pure, so contented with their lives.
They may not receive the best education in the world,
They may not grow up with the best sanitisation facilities,
They may not get lavish meals on their tables every day,
They may not have the latest fashion trends in their wardrobes,
But they are happy with their lives.

So what if they live ‘poorly’ according to our standards, at least they are richer in kindness, in compassion, in living their life to the fullest.
We will never smile like the village children in Battambong, and we will never be able to understand how they can be so happy with just so little.
And that is our loss.

At school. All of them are secondary school children.

Taking a photo with our banner.

The girls at school whom we were closer too.

We were having our village 'tour' when the children just gathered with us. At first, they were a little scared of us, but after a while, they were willing to take photos with us. Aren't they adorable?
Faces of innocence. Children will always be children. =)

The landlady, her two out of four grandchildren and I. I love Hanei especially, the little girl in the picture. She makes me feel like i should have children of my own NOW! Haha.

More photos are on facebook. =)

2008-05-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

Cambodia, here I come!!!

2008-05-20T00:25:00.004+08:00

HOLY TRINITY FEAST DAY
I would have to say i have never enjoyed myself so much on Feast Day before.
Every year it would be just going to church, attending mass, then using whatever coupons we had to buy whatever we wanted to eat and then trying to 'siam' the crowd.
However, this year was drastically different for me and for everyone in Seraphim.

This year, it marks the first album from the Seraphim Choir from the Church of the Holy Trinity.

And guess what???

We sold 722 copies!!!

This means that we made $7220 for Divine Mercy already! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just on one day alone!!! Oh man, how exciting can this get...

In the evening, we went back to church for another round of performance for the Feast Day dinner.

Altos

ShuLing and me

looks like one big happy family hor?

Many more CD sales to come!!!!!
Hip hip hooray!!!!!

2008-05-14T13:31:00.004+08:00

The Seraphim ~~Choir~~ Family

A musical assembly

A part of the Music Ministry of the Church of the Holy Trinity.

A choir to serve and praise the word of God.

To bond in the knowledge that we are one in God's family, regardless of similarities and differences both in mind and body.

To know that we will always have the voices of one another as echoes of unfailing support.

And to grow in spirit and music of the Word.

The Seraphim Choir.

Ever since I joined the Seraphim family five months ago, I have never once regretted my decision to do so.
To sing praises to our God and worship Him with my heart and soul is something that I never thought I could do.
And never once have I felt like I belong to a community or a family so much.

Definitely there were times where signs around pushed me to think that I am losing my sight of God, that I am becoming too much of Martha and not Mary.
Sometimes, I don't even have to time to sit down and have a silent prayer with my Heavenly Father.
However, it is also through all these times that I know I have to strengthen my Faith and stay strong in my personal prayer life.

To everyone in Seraphim, thank you for all you have given me.
The beautiful memories.
The wonderful laughter you have brought to my life.
The care and concern for your fellow sister in Christ.
I pray that we will continue to have the zeal and passion to serve our God and be witnesses of his Word.
God bless!

Your sister-in-Christ,
Desiree

2008-05-10T23:50:00.004+08:00

met up with my close group of girlfriends, grace, sylvia and jessie today.
nadia was busy studying for her upcoming exams. =(
had a great time searching for nice food.
the Thai Restaurant at Shaw Towers have really good food man.
too bad i forgot to take pictures of it!!! but it was really really good.
and the price was very reasonable too!
just that it was during lunch hour and we waited for quite a long period of time...
but still... it was worth the wait!!!

jessie and i

grace and sylvia

after the gathering, headed for church...
had a fun time at choir.
we practice the dance we had to perform on Feast Day for the launch of the CD.

2008-05-09T00:36:00.004+08:00

Today i went to the Beer Station with the some of the choir members.
It was the 2008 Singapore Song Writers' showcase and Darius was suppose to showcase 4 of his songs.
Seraphim sang The Voice of Believers and Wherever You Are...
It was sooooo good...
I hope the audience enjoyed it as much as we did performing it...

the beef goulash was good...

there's just too much space between us...
i guess we are just two people from two different worlds...

2008-05-07T23:22:00.005+08:00

The cross in the prayer room at CAYC is soooo nice.

Steamboat was fun!!! So full... =)

Tracy and Samantha...

YAY... the girls rocks...

The MAY babies God has given us...

Make a wish.. make a wish... =)

The steamboat was not boiling and so they decided to pray over it so that their hungry souls can be filled... how creative... =)

reliving childood...

debrief in the playground

yes trace... we know you LOVE the camera...

i bet the teachers at morning star was telling the children to not follow in our footsteps...

yes they shouldn't be climbing the monkey bar in the way we do...

the scissors paper stone game reminded me about secondary school...
day 3 was very very fun... but very tiring as well...

2008-05-07T22:37:00.003+08:00

I'm back!!! Desiree's back from Fides core team retreat.

I am so tired and the only thing i feel like doing now is sleeping.

But being the cam whore that i have been for the past few months since i got my camera, i decided to update my blog 1st.

Day 1

My dad is away on a business trip and so i got the car!!!

Drove to CAYC.

Upon reaching there, i realised that i was there for my confirmation camp too! Some memories still linger here and there.

The first session was just a 'speed-dating' session. So we had to get to know everyone within short period of 3-4 minutes. It's quite funny cause i would have to say we already knew each other quite well and it was funny to be talking to the person as though you have never met him/her before.

Then came Nick Chia's input.

"I have conquered the world!"

We were suppose to draw a "River of life" and plot a graph of highs and lows in life and identify the presence of God in our lives.

For me, i think i am at the all time high now. But within the high period, sometimes i do feel a bit tired from all the minor details that i have to pay attention to.

HOWEVER, i would have to say that i am very happy to serve God right now and i pray that He will continue to bless me and the people around me with the passion to serve His people.

So pretty right???

James and his sian look....... =(

Who are these five beautiful gifts from God???

Oh, it's Samantha, Cherie, Marie, Tracy and me... haha

The refugees of Fides...

Not Charlie's angels...
We're GOD'S ANGELS!!!

YES YES... one more shot of God's angels... =)

2008-05-01T15:45:00.005+08:00

yesterday i met up with jamie and hui fen for a comms gathering.
somehow in smu, it's hard to have a close clique of friends cause we are all pre-assigned courses in year 1.
but i am so lucky to have found jamie and hui fen in comms class. due to exams and all the other stressful activities going on during term time, i guess the only time we could meet up is during the holidays.

had to forgo my OCIP meeting to meet up with them, but it was definitely worth it.
and moreover, i am not the type who will back out on last minute appointments.
i hope my OCIP people understands.

here are some photos we took at sushi teh and the coffee club.
i love eating.
suppose to cut down on my consumption after exams and start working out, but apparantly it is not the case.
i still love eating. the muddy mud pie at coffee club is so shiok.
haha. good for sharing, especially between couples... =)

hui fen cleared her entire bowl of don!!! oh my goodness!!!

the muddy mud pie was super SHIOK!!!

LOVE YOU GIRLS SO MUCH!!!

2008-04-28T15:22:00.002+08:00

after a busy week of post-exam activities, i managed to get some rest at home during the weekends.

had my very 1st WYD spiritual meeting with Patrick, Julia and Father Damian on Saturday.
looks like there are a lot of things to start preparing.
somehow, i have always been taking for granted that WYD is something like a 'holiday', but it's not.
it's a pilgrimage.
but now that everything is in the planning stage, i think the SMU, St. Teresa's and Redemptrist Mission team will be more or less prepared when we embark on WYD in July.

haha, Sunday was a good day.
finally started to exercise.
jessie came over and we went to the gym and swam for about 2 hours.
so fulfilling.
it feels as if the blood in my body had officially circulated.
haha. the fats have been clogged up ever since the start of my preparation for the exams.
exams don't only hurt the brain, it hurts the body too! haha.

trying to choing my korean dramas these few days too.
i'm still very amazed at how people acting in dramas can be so frank.
when they meet with someone they like, they will just profess their liking for that person.
when they do not belong to the community, they will just try their best to fit it, and somehow at the end of the day, it will all work out well.
nothing seems to be too tough to be overcomed in dramas.
most of the time the people meant to be together or want to be together, will be together.
why isn't life as simple as that?
although they have to go through different obstacles and all, at the end of the day, they will still have a happy ending.
but life is so different.
i guess that is why they say life isn't like a korean drama.

2008-04-26T00:06:00.010+08:00

Finally, i manage to squeeze some time out to update my blog.
Yes, I promised myself to revive it and indeed i will make sure it is kept alive.
Been super busy after the exams with meetings and all.
Seems like i am even more tired now the during the exam period.
I seem to still be lacking the sleep that i very much need.

For the next few months, i am going to be so busy with my many commitment.
Somehow, i think that my life as a student has become a part-time job.
Fides, Seraphim and all my other commitments have become my full time job.
But i am enjoying this so much. :)

Seraphim just finished recording their album.
It will be officially launched on the 18th May, Trinity's feast day.
To all my friends: please support ok? It's for a good cause. It's for Divine Mercy church.

Here are some photos i managed to take on Sunday. Didn't take many though. The main aim was to record the album, not taking photos.

Fides senior's thanksgiving and seniors farewell party just passed. It was held at my place's clubhouse on Wednesday. Here are some photos i managed to get, will update the rest on Facebook. :)

That's all for now. Will be back shortly.

Love,
Desiree

2008-04-20T21:24:00.004+08:00

Was feeling rather down today until i saw this e-mail in my mailbox from one of my choir mates.

A son asked his father, 'Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?'.
The father who, despite having a heart condition, says 'Yes'.
They went on to complete the marathon together.
Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying 'Yes' to his son's request of going through the race together.
One day, the son asked his father, 'Dad, let's join the Iron man together.'
To which, his father said 'Yes' too.
For those who don't know, Ironman is the toughest triathlon ever.
The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4mile (3.86 kilometer) ocean swim, followed by a 112mile (180.2 kilometer) bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile (42.195 kilometer) marathon along the coast of the Big Island.
Father and son went on to complete the race together.

View this race at.....

Somehow, it hit me really hard, so hard that i couldn't stop crying for 5 minutes.
Sometimes, i cannot help but develop feelings of discontentment and inadequacies about my life, but then i realise that God has already been giving me so much, why should i still ask for more?
Life is not a straight and smooth road. There are bumps and humps along the way, ups and downs which help people remember what they have gone through in life.
Many times, people remember the downs more often then the ups and then they wonder where was God when they were down?
But many do not realise that God has always been there.
I, for one, do not realise that as well.
I get discontented with life.
I get unhappy when things do not turn out the way i want them to be.
I get frustrated when i want to do things which i cannot do.
I get annoyed when i am told not to go places i want to go.
I get unsatisfied when everyone else seems to be much happier than i am.
I get envious of the gifts and talents people are filled with, and often wonder why am i not in their positions.
But never did i sit down and think about what God has already given me.
He has given me so much, my family, my friends, and my health.
An entire abled body for me to make full use of, to do whatever He wants me to do.
And yet I am still here whining and complaining about life and how it is mistreating me.
I guess now is the time for me to wake up. WAKE UP!!!

Yours truly,
Me

2008-04-17T22:51:00.001+08:00

counting down to the end of exams.

2 DAYS!!!

2007-12-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

thank you for the world so sweet (ho hum).
thank you for the food we eat (yum yum).
thank you for the birds that sing-a-ling-a-ling.
thank you Lord for everything. Amen.

Dear Lord,
I just want to thank you for today. For the wonderful day you have given me.
It's been a long time since a had a birthday surprise and today was indeed one for me.
Thank you for Terence, Samantha, Marie, Tracy, Cherie, Jeremy and James, who wonderfully crafted the surprise so much so that I felt the urge to cry.
For course, thank you for Vincent too! He shared the cake with me.
In today's meeting as well, it gave me the opportunity to open up to the rest about my fears and weaknesses, which helped to be understand that not everyone maybe ready to serve you Lord, but at least we know we are called and that you will always be there to guide and steer us onto the right path.
Thank you Lord, for everything you have given me in my life so far. Thank you.
And as I prepare myself for the new year, I hope that you will continue to shower your blessings upon the whole of Fides and the core team!
Lastly, as the hymn 'Thank you, Lord" says, I just hope that I will be able to be your humble servant.

I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretch arm
I will bless your name

Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

Amen.

2007-12-08T16:36:00.000+08:00

I just got back from a retreat held in Queen of Peace for the confirmation 2 ~~children~~, young adults.
I never felt so much unity before. everyone knew everyone, and everyone felt so loved.
Maybe cause the community in Queen of Peace is small, so it's easier to get to know everyone.
Somehow i think Holy Trinity's community is too big for everyone to mix around and have fun together.
I didn't even feel that connected to my peers when i attended confirmation camp during sec 3.
and somehow, all my friends in church have disappeared.

Oh well. i still have my friends in Fides.
But i really am thankful to God to have made so many new friends.
Vincent, Joanne, Charlene, Deborah, Judith, Priscilla, Sandra, Joseph..
all the con2 kids as well, can't remember all, but Aaron, Fergus, Daryl, Brandon, Dominic, Angela, Amanda, Lisalotte, Dalia, Carman, Jennifer, Celine, Nerissa, Olivia, Samantha, Jessica... and all those whom i forgot to list down.
thanks for giving me such a wonderful experience!!!

2007-12-04T00:21:00.001+08:00

school term is over.
exams are over.
the holidays are here.
Christmas is coming.
My birthday is coming.
So exciting.
Trying to create my christmas wish-list now. :)

2007-11-17T00:05:00.000+08:00

Rise
Composed by Dick Lee
Arranged by Kenn C
Performed by Stefanie Sun

VERSE 1
There is a voice within my mind
Singing the songs of distant times
Speaking the thoughts from lost horizons.
Music and words that must be signs
Shaping the facets that define
How we have come to be the present
Descendants.

BRIDGE
Though we’re from ten different lands
Bound by shores of common sand
Singing out as one
Let’s stand
The world is in our hands

CHORUS
No matter where we’re from
If we could sing one song
Dreams that are yours and mine
They will be realized
Trusting the love we feel
Trust in the love that’s real
Children unite
People of ASEAN rise.

VERSE 2
Chapters unfolding from the past
Speaking of wisdom to my heart
Lessons to learn from our ancestors.
Pushing horizons let's have faith
Our differences we will embrace
Shaping as one our common future
Our future.

2007-11-10T22:31:00.000+08:00

ok, to do some justice to the uni life that i'm going through, i decided that i should post something nice instead.
i'm seriously glad i met nice people in smu.
my twc girl gang: teresa and lijun.
my comms class: ziyi, jamie, keeto
my effective studying buddies; huifen, clive, huifen's ta.
of course the people from FIDES, terence, vincent, sheryl, tracy, marie, james...
they say life in uni is like life in the working world, where backstabbing occurs rampantly.
yes it's true, but only to a certain extent.
i guess it's how to value friendships and how much you are willing to give to the relationship you are building.
thank you to all my friends in SMU. (sorry if i didn't mention your name above, you know you are valuable to me too!!!)
you've seriously given me the courage to pull through all the hurdles i have to cross.

2007-10-29T22:34:00.000+08:00

A Great story to share~ Enjoy! Don't give up......

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

'God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?'
His answer surprised me...
'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?'
'Yes', I replied.
'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo,' he said.

'In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.' He said.

'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.'

He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots'.
'I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.'
'Don't compare yourself to others.' He said.
'The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.'
'Your time will come', God said to me.
'You will rise high'
'How high should I rise?' I asked.
'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return.
'As high as it can?' I questioned.
'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.'

I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Heaven's door opened this morning, God asked me...
'My CHILD, what can I do for you?'
And I said, 'Daddy, please protect and bless the one reading this message.'
God smiled and answered, 'Request granted.'

2007-10-28T16:04:00.000+08:00

guess where i am now on a rainy Sunday afternoon?
no, i'm not at home resting.
neither am i outside shopping.
i'm in school studying, waiting for my project meeting to start.
how exciting!!! that's the life of an SMU student.
meeting starts at 5, so i came early to beat the rain, in hopes of being able to enter the group study room early to study for my upcoming FA test, however, ALL the rooms are booked and filled with people..
should i repeat myself??? ALL THE ROOMS ARE FILLED WITH PEOPLE.
it's raining so heavily and the thunder so roaring in my ears, but i''m stuck outside at one of the benches, and it is un-airconditioned.
poor me. :(
this is so sick.
then again, since i'm in school on a Sunday, i'm a sick person too!!
what a life! can't wait for the school holidays to start.
then again, for the school holiays to start, i must finish all my exams. hai.
wish me luck!

2007-10-26T21:07:00.001+08:00

i don't understand why people just don't respect music or musicians for that matter.
i attended smu's band (symphonia) mini-concert today and it was just a fantastic performance.
however, i experience the worst thing you could experience in a concert.
there was this couple behind me, who couldn't get off each other.
at the same time, they couldn't shut their mouth up and had to comment on every single tiny component of the performance, acting like they know music very well.
but in fact they don't, cause what they were saying, sounded like utter rubbish to even a music retard like me.
they couldn't get the hint to shut up and appreciate the music when all the people from the row in front of them were staring back at them.
they still couldn't stop when the same people moved to another row in front.
seriously, if you don't know how to appreciate the music and the hard work the musicians put in for the performance, the least you could do is keep quiet and listen.
if that little bit you can't do, then forget about going to the performance. you are just taking up another seat that someone else wants and they might be the people who really enjoy music.
i can't say that this happens on Singapore only, cause the people who were creating the problem are not from Singapore.
but i hope that i will not meet this type of situations again.
and i hope people will just grow up!!!

2007-10-23T20:35:00.000+08:00

was on my way home when i saw a disturbing scene.
i didn't use the usual mrt entrance today, instead, i crossed to the opposite one.
then i saw that there was an old lady, who was a cleaner with SMRT.
she was trying to replace the already filled dustbin with a new bag.
however, since the dustbin was so full, she had no strength to lift the metal bin (a smaller bin instead the big bin where the trashbag is tied to).
it was already after office hours where everyone was just trying to rush home.
there was no one to help her, i guess cause everyone felt that it is unecessary to dirty our hands.
but that was not the worst...
people that walked pass and had rubbish to throw continue to dump their rubbish in, without even looking at the poor old lady.
there was another dustbin, which was nicely placed just 0.5m away and they couldn't reach anywhere further to throw their trash. (how thoughtful!!!!!)
i admit, i wouldn't stop and put down all my things just to help the old lady, but i wouldn't just ignore her pressence and continue to dump my rubbish in when she was already having difficulty lifting it up.
also, it made me think about how useful old people actually are.
yes, they are old, but no, they never give up.
with the little strength they have left, they continue to work in the society and do whatever they can to contribute towards it.
i hope that i will be able to do that too when i'm old. (not literally clearing rubbish, but contibute to society)

my little insight on what happened today.
i think i'm starting to blog again to get myself away from the piles of work i have. :)

2007-10-21T00:18:00.001+08:00

it's been long since i last updated my blog.
i realise that i only run to my blog whenever i can't express my thoughts clearly.
i've been feeling rather insignificant out of the sudden.
i'm wondering what i'm doing in the world.
i'm wondering what i'm doing in smu.
i'm wondering why i'm living my life the way it is now.
i'm wordering why some things work out and some things don't, and most of the time, it doesn't. i guess i'm just feeling depress, afterall, something did happen.
and i can't just forget about it.
now i guess i just have to figure out how to get over it.
the feeling is just so terrble, that it becomes undescribable.
actually, i'm not very sure what i'm saying here as well.
(i guess maybe only lijun and teresa knows what i'm talking about).
no one actually reads my blog anyway, so it doesn't really matter.
i just feel like crying.

2007-09-02T18:45:00.000+08:00

realise i've been complaining too much about university life.
so i think i should say some good stuff too.
i'm so glad i went for fides camp and found some really good friends in there.
yesterday, i went for car washing at St. Joseph Church. it's soooooo far away, but it was really enjoyable. (except that i got blisters on my foot)
somehow, i finally felt that i found a family in SMU.
i'm glad to have some friends that i previously known too like hui fen and sher chua.
of course there is my bondue group people like sylvia, christina and tian le.
lastly, my new found good friends, from LTB.
Carissa, Yiru, Irving, Sarika, Jamie and Chuanzhong.
All of them are soooooo important to me.
i hope i will be able to find more friends who can show me the compassionate side to university life.
my life is been rather monotonous recently.. so nothing much to update too..
it's been filled with studies and books.
like what edwin said, "I've never studied so much in my first two weeks of school life before!!!"

2007-08-30T00:52:00.001+08:00

going to uni is like falling out of love.
you don't know what is actually going on around you.
you don't understand why the world around you suddenly becomes such a stranger.
you don't know who you can rely on now.
you're not sure who will be there to lend you a listening ear anymore.
you seem to be standing alone, fighting for yourself only.
it's like a phase where you have to start finding your friends all over again.
you're not sure whether your friends will accept you again.
and when you start thinking about the past, you feel like it was heaven and now it's hell.
you know you've got to move on, but there's too many things you hold onto (like your jc memories).
i need to move on.
i need to get over jc life and get used to uni life.
but i can't seem to do that.
i miss my s01ers too much.
i miss my council mates too much.
i miss my sac-tpjc friends too much.
i don't want to grow up. i want to be 18 forever!!!

2007-08-13T16:23:00.000+08:00

mostly everyone around me has started school in nus and ntu.
it's really a different thing altogether in jc and in uni.
i wonder whether i'll be able to find friends as close as those i have made in jc.
i wonder whether i'll be able to just be myself around the people like i was in jc.
i wonder whether i'll have people to depend on in times of need like i have in jc.
coming to uni, it's like starting life all over again.
there are so many things to find out and experience, but not knowing whether it will mould you into a more optimistic or pessimistic person.
there will be the trusting issue that will arise again, after all, the people here will be totally different than the people we've met before.
and worst of all, there isn't a 'mummy' or 'daddy' to reply on any more.
you just have yourself.
have to trust yourself.
just yourself.

2007-07-28T14:18:00.000+08:00

more and more friends around me are passing their driving tests.
and on the 1st try.
nadia, adeline, christabel........
many many more i think.
i'm feeling the stress now.
i'm not ready nor prepared.
my test timings are all screwed up, cause it's the last lesson where ubi is damn packed and there is bus lane rules to comply after 5pm.
my practice sessions are temporary cause i may have to cancel it if my time-table clashes when school starts.
i'm feeling the 'heat'.
and i have to pay 25 bucks extra to extend my pdl which expires three days before my driving test.
oh man, god bless me!

2007-07-23T15:37:00.000+08:00

two days since i finished camp.
broke camp earlier cause had church on sunday.
that's why i hate camps during the weekends.
the facis weren't very happy with me, but oh well, i don't need them to be happy with me.
afterall, i ain't happy with them too.
but i know they tried very hard and put in lots of effort to make the camp run smoothly.
somehow i think it's going to be hard to fit into smu.
maybe it's just me, but somehow i think others feel like too.
the labelling of people coming from the 'nieghbourhood' jc.
sometimes i wonder whether i made the right decision coming to smu.
maybe i'll feel happier in ntu.
i just hope everything will get better and i will be able to make some true friends along the way.
just like the friends i made in secondary school and jc.
just hope and pray. :)

2007-07-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

today was a relatively happy day until i got home, went online to check to results of the copa america match.

morning had to go to school for an orientation talk.
the talk was pretty much about the same things, but the games part was fun. we finished our stations quite fast, just that the first station slowed us down.
in the end, we were in second place, good enough for me. hahas.
after that i went for my driving lesson, which was also pretty much the same thing.
this time i got the same car, but thank god the instructor is different.
the instructor was so much nicer this time.
i almost caused him a heart attack cause i went to fast trying to squeeze into the right turn lane.
i think i'm going to fail. like fail very terribly.
then i went back to meet my bondue orientation group people.
had dinner at mos burger.
was quite tempted to queue for doughnuts, but then felt too tired and lazy.
chatted quite a bit with them and i found out that parents nowadays are so weird.
they expect their children to follow a set of rules, but also wishing their children could achieve another goal which will cause us to defy some of the golden rules set earlier .
so contridictory.
anyway, forget about that part.
the most ~~exciting yet~~ saddening part is.....
argentina lost again.
brazil 3-0 argentina.
how can it be?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the world is just so unfair.
and it's not like 1-0 or 2-1, it's 3-0.
i almost swore when i saw the results.
why is it like that?
why do they always do so well in the 1st few matches, but when it comes to the most important matches, they lose.
and not only just lose, they lose terribly.
i feel so sad, about to cry right now.
can't take the trauma any longer.
shall go to my bed and cry. nitez!!!!!!!
:(

2007-07-09T12:34:00.000+08:00

tomorrow going for bondue camp. going to meet many new people i guess.
but my group has only 8 people. i don't know how interaction is suppose to be like.
anyway, karen is going too.
so at least i have someone i know.
but i'm in group 16 and she's in group 4. so i guess we'll hardly meet.
can't wait for the camp to be over (but it hasn't even started yet)
oh well, i shall just try my best to enjoy myself throughout the whole three days.

i still can't make up my mind to get which notebook.
acer's travelmate is good, light and small, but the design is not exactly something i would like to face throughout the entire 5 years (if it even lasts that long).
the bigger one is nicer, but then, it's big and bulky.
oh man.
compaq has no web-cam.
apple doesn't run on windows, means more trouble cause i think accountancy courses need windows specifically.
so many choices. so confused.

2007-07-02T14:16:00.000+08:00

i finally stopped working.
but i'm beginning to miss some people at my workplace, like jes, candy, jackieline, ah su, elvie.. and i'm beginning to think i won't like it at home with my mother nagging everyday.
yes, she's nagging now, that's why i know i won't be having an easy time for the next one and a half months.
nothing to update right now. so i shall keep it short.
anyway, i think no one reads my blog nowadays.

2007-05-30T02:36:00.000+08:00

it's been ages since i last blogged.
nothing really much happen these few weeks, or rather one and a half months.
i got a place in smu, will be starting school in august.
new school, new environment, new friends, new enemies.
everything will be new.
have to start all over again.
it's a tiring process.
still with the same job.
same people, new style of working.
new methods of deceiving, same people who are deceiving.
new methods of lying, same selfish reasons behind lying.
so sick of the environment.
it's a tiring process.

life seems to be so tiring. so difficult to go through.

I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work for bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, and jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done
My soul could rest at ease.
All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear
No time, no time, too much to do,

That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said
"Your name I cannot find .
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time"

2007-04-17T17:03:00.000+08:00

work work work.
finally going to get a break from work soon.
haven't received posting results from any of the three unis yet.
i guess it shouldn't be that fast.
but, i don't even know if that is what i wanna do.
i'll just do one step at a time.
hope things will work out.

2007-03-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

i'm so irritated.
don't talk to me, i'll bite.

2007-02-24T11:45:00.000+08:00

i'm in the airport now, blogging.
yes, airport. no, i'm not going on a holiday.
decided to use my break time to blog, since i couldn't take a nap.
the computers here are fast, but blogger seems to be very blog.
i'm imagining the scenario where i type finish my entry but it is unable to load.
i'm left with 7 minutes to type whatever i want to type.

anyway, work life, sucks big time.
i just got backstabbed yesterday.
someone from my team stole my customer.
a customer who bought a one thousand dollar bag.
ONE THOUSAND DOLLAR!
and to think just the day before i helped him to meet his target.
how grateful.
and guess what? he's a 40 year old plus guy.
for goodness sake, where's all the principles that you should have?
a 40 year old man, with no principles to live by.
that's an utterly sad life to lead i would say.
anyway, i am definitely going on a holiday to get away from work.
i mean, working is fun because you get the money and all, but then all the trauma you have to face everyday, i seriously prefer studying.
although studying means no income, and lots of mugging during important periods for papers, it is definitely more relaxing and fulfilling than going through the mudane routine life.
so, those people out there who are studying, don't moan or groan, cause you will regret.
no matter how much you say you will not, at the end of the day, you will.
i ensure and confirm, you will.
cheers to studying!!!!

back to working. i'm left with 2 mins. hahas, this post took me less than 10 mins. don't mind the grammatical and spelling errors. as you can tell, i'm rushing. hahas.

2007-02-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

it's been ages since i came online to update my blog. i know.
it's been work work and more work for me and i guess for a lot of people too.
i'm just too tired to blog, or even come online anymore.
all i do is come home, eat and sleep.
but i think work is getting more enjoyable, although tiring.
1. i found out that many people have the same feelings towards one person as me, so i'm not as alone as i thought i was.
2. i'm getting used to the standing all day, eating alone and talking to customers.
3. i found a really good friend, erika. we can really get along and chat about anything and everything.
4. i'm going to get my pay soon. hahas.
shall stop talking about work, getting boring.

today is lunar new year day 2.
yet i'm not out visiting and getting red packets, not that i really care about the red packets.
went to church yesterday like every normal sunday.
the priest was saying something about famlies reuniting and everything during festive periods, especially during the new year.
that we should learn to get along with one another, forget about the unhappy past.
really, sometimes i wish i could.
maybe i just need to understand a bit more, but somehow, i feel that the distance i have with my extended family is not my fault, nor my mum's.
it's their fault, and it will forever be their fault.
i don't care about the 'blessings' they give me, or even the very-little red packet money i receive from them.
i just feel that not visiting them is a blessing, and that's all i want to this lunar new year.
anyway, to all my friends out there, happy chinese new year.
remember to watch your diet ar.. don't keep eating. hahas. (must remind myself also)

2007-02-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

didn't have time to come online yesterday cause i got home late, needed to sleep early for today's morning shift.
today was second day at work. Worked with Bobs, Candy, Elvie and my dearest teacher who has taught me everything (but i forgot her name, must forgive me cause she has a malay name)
1st day, i didn't sell anything and i got a 'threat' from Jennifer, the afternoon supervisor.
well, Bobs, the senior supervisor said don't care about her, so i shall not.
today, i didn't really find out how much i sold, but i know i missed the target.
probably, only reached half of it.
but i am glad. at least i sold something.
i sold somethingS in fact. (hightlight on the capital S)
great meeting new people, from all over the world.
there was this really nice eurasian who was really nice, and he was really friendly.
how i wish every customer was like him. hahas.
anyway, tomorrow must work morning shift again.
so, i shall go watch all my missed recorded shows now and sleep early.
tata.. won't be back for long i think.

2007-01-30T23:43:00.000+08:00

Updates on my life:
1. I passed my basic driving theory. (i know it's nothing much to pass it, but i'm really grateful that my efforts have paid in.)
2. I'm starting my new job at the airport on thursday. (YAY! hope the people there are nice.)
3. I'm getting poorer cause i'm spending more money. (Duh, transportation is so expensive now, my pay is so little, i'm unemployed until thursday, and when i'm unemployed, the only thing i can do is shop and spend money)
4. I am starting to freak out because the date to collecting our results is getting nearer.
5. I still have no idea what to study in university.
I feel so blur in society.

It happened a few days ago when I was walking home from the MRT station.
I saw a cat in the middle of the pathway.
It looked scared, frightened and nervous, just like how humans feel sometimes when they are in an unfamilar or strange environment.
I was approaching it, and as i got closer, the fear in it's eyes seemed to increase exponentially.
It didn't know where to go as people were approaching from the opposite direction as well.
It looked front and back, but still, the cat knew that by moving in either direction, it would have to face humans, and that was one thing that it wanted to avoid.
In the end, the cat choose the only appropriate way out, which was to dash across the grassland, into a route of unknown obstacles.
I noticed that it slipped and fell lightly into a drain, thankfully, unhurt.
Somehow, I thought that scenario was a replica to how humans react.
Sometimes, we find ourselves faced with a mountain of problems, so much so that we don't know where to run anymore.
By going forward, we know that we will meet with some of our worst fears, and by moving backwards, we would encounter similar problems.
So, the only option we have left is to run away, in a whole new direction.
Although we know that it might be dangerous and unpredictable, at least we do not have to experience what we know we already fear.
But one thing we do not know is whether that decision was the right one to make?
Was the path that we choose the safest? What if we fall into a 'drain'? And worse, what if we can never pick ourselves up from that 'drain' because we are too badly injured?
Will there be someone out there to help us, lend us a hand in these times of trouble?
I guess I need an answer to these questions, but I don't think I'll ever get an answer.
Not when I'm earth at least.

all the best to me for my new job... :)

2007-01-23T17:41:00.000+08:00

it's been so long since i last came online.
i'm getting used to the keyboard at office that i find it weird now to type on my own keyboard.
my second week at work.
today took leave to come home early. not exactly to come home.
but i had other things to handle.
in case anyone reads this and cause me to get into trouble, i shall not say what i did.
anyway, i will be resigning from this office soon. this week i think.
i can't stand the environment.
i can't stand the workload. it's never-ending.
court documents are a pain in the ass.
the people are still alright.
except the two bosses.
they are really really really really demanding.
i don't understand how they run their office with such poor management.
for god's sake, the turnover rate is so high, such that the problem lies so boldly in front.
but it is just ignore and remove from your thoughts and decisions.
employing foreign workers aren't exactly the best way out too.
well, they are the boss. it's none of my business.

got theory exam on monday. hope i pass. i really hope i pass.
i think it's too tiring going to ubi again and again for trials.
and i want to move on to my final theory test so i can start driving lessons soon.
then i can drive around to anywhere and during anytime.

back to my tv.
seems to be my only leisure activity after work.
and i'm really glad i still have time for it.

2007-01-17T23:07:00.000+08:00

2nd day at work.
lots of stuff to do.
really a lot. didn't expect admin work to be this way, when everyone else says admin was quite slack.
tomorrow got a whole stack of work to do again. and seriously, i don't know where to start.
sorry kai ting, always have to bother you.
sorry lydia, always have to mafan you to pick up the calls.
seriously, i think there are huge mannerism problems with singaporeans.
can't they just talk politely on the phone.
for goodness sake, it's won't kill to talk nicely.
and for goodness sake, just because you are the lady boss, it doesn't give you the right to scold people unecessarily. it doesn't make sense to scold people because of small problems.
and since you're on a holiday, can't you like make full use of your time and concentrate to enjoying yourself instead of constantly haunting the staff?
people need a break from your nonsense too.
she's coming back on friday. and i think everyone in the office is going to get hell.
human make mistakes, it's human nature.
that's why only God is perfect isn't it? if you want perfect people why don't you ask God to be your employee?
and just remember, you're not perfect as well!!!!!!

p.s. i will treat my employees nicely in future, if i have my own business. smiles.

2007-01-16T23:27:00.000+08:00

i started work today. yes, finally! hahas.
yup, work at a law firm.
Markhan Advocates and Solicitors. (maybe i shouldn't type everything, after google search everybody will know what i said about it.)
it's a busy busy company.
i think they are really understaff, with loads of work to do.
every minute there would be a call for one of the lawyers or in charge.
every hour there would at least be a dozen of people waiting to be served by someone.
every day seems to have lots of mail to be posted and received.
i think because there are so many temporary staff, the permanent staff are getting a bit fidgety when they have constantly have to enlighten the newbies at their work and be asked random questions.
well, i meet a fellow tpjcian, same position as me. hahas.
Lydia from S20.
maybe it was just co-incidence, but somehow, i think it's a good arrangement.
at least we have each other's company and help in times of boredom and busi-ness. (not that my first day has been boring)
one thing that i wasn't very happy about was the attitude of one of the higher authorities, whose name i can't even remember cause i think it's just a waste of my brain space to remember names of such snobbish, rude, arrogant and ungrateful fellow.
i know i'm getting my pay from your company (i don't even know whether you are an employer or employee), but it's no reason for you to treat temporary staff with such 'manners'.
seriously, if you were such big of a deal, wouldn't you be busy at courts handling cases, instead of sitting in your office, typing some stuff on your computer?
shouldn't you be busy thinking of how to win the cases instead of screaming at someone who just happen to walk into your office politely to put down some documents.
Yes, i was screamed at. i will remember you for the rest of my working life, don't worry.
i will remember to give new-comers a chance in learning, and not work in the way you just have, thinking that only what you do is important, ignoring the significance of other employees.

2007-01-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

today i went to church as usual for mass.
today's sermon was very interesting cause it involved marriage.
the gospel was actually based on the wedding where Jesus turned water into wine because the wine that was supposed to be served to the guest had run out.
so, the priest actually elaborated on the process of marriage.
he said that at some point in time, the marriage will run out of wine.
and that it's the duty of the spouses to find a new type and new flavour of wine in which both likes.
this way, the marriage will never be boring, and the love between the couple will never die.
i felt that what the priest said made complete sense and i totally agreed.

the day before, i accompanied my mum to her birthday makeover and the lady boss of the shop said that it wasn't necessary for every girl or women to get married.
some may choose to enter that path, but not all of the people had to.
it's a personal choice and it should be influenced by peers, parents or even yourself.
and i also agreed.

and i was reading a book about the sacrifices that one has to make in a marriage.
although it was a fiction book, every detail about how much one has to sacrifice for other was true.
the lady may need to sacrifice her freedom and career for the sake of the family and the children, and sometimes, even housework.
the man may need to adapt to having a female species around all the time, and not play around with any other (which is very difficult because men's biological makeup does not suit monogamy).
many many other things are involved as well.
this viewpoint is totally true and i cannot say that i object to it.

so many different ways to view marriage.
marriage does create problems.
marriage is something so unpredictable and so absurd.
it may work well, but it can also give you hell.
it can last long, but it might also die out like a firework.
it can be a step into a whole new world, but you just don't know whether the new world resembles heaven or hell.
so, to all couples whose marriage have been strong and firm, and to all couples who have decided to enter a new world together - marriage, may you be blessed with the Mr. or Miss Right and may the wine between the both of you last forever.

2007-01-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY!!! (i doubt she will read it anyway)
Thanks for the time and effort you have put in to this family.
Hope that you will stay young and be more cheerful!

We are all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavours of wrong.
Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. It isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons -your unsolved problems- the ones that make you who you truly are- that you're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you are looking for.
You are looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the 'right' wrong person -someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

-Andrew Boyd

Daily Afflictions

p.s. Who right? And who's wrong? Will we ever get to know it for sure? Maybe all these are just fairytales we indulge ourselves in. Sometimes, all we need is a 'prince' to wake us up from the dream.

2007-01-12T15:13:00.000+08:00

went for another job interview today again.
they say they'll call back to confirm, but i highly doubt so.
i'm so tired of finding a job. really really tired.
i has to do a on-the=stop typing test.
i only managed to type 30 words per minute, which was a far cry from the 50 i managed at home.
the keyboard was so soft and the keys were so small. i think i'm just too used to dell and hp keyboards.
i'm praying now that they will call soon. at least before 5.
i just want a job. any job with a decent pay.

2007-01-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

was in the bus home today when i heard two students complaining about the system that SBS drivers adhere to.
well, there was a guy and girl.
apparantly, the guy didn't have money in his concession pass, so he had to pay by cash (coins actually).
but the bus driver wanted to see his concession pass before giving him a ticket.
at that time, he was actually in his school PE t-shirt and jeans, with a denim jacket.
he followed what the uncle ask him to, but of course, unwillingly.
so, he went to his seat, and started complaining to his friend.
he things he were complaining were along the line of the system being so stupid.
he was in his school uniform, but yet, the driver still wanted to see actual evidence to him being a student.
the bus driver was actually delaying time and wasting his effort.
well, i sat there and listen intently.
and suddenly i recalled a similar incident which happened to jemima.
she was in her school uniform but yet when she paid with coins, the bus driver demanded that it had to be for an adult fare.
it may seem stupid to many people that students who do not have their concession pass have to pay adult fare.
it may also seem stupid to many people that students who are wearing their school uniform still had to prove their identity, and in any case of being unable to prove it, they would have to pay an adult fare.
but, thinking on the side of SBS, i understand why they have to go to such extents.
SBS had to change their way of ticketing to ez-link so that they could cut down the number of people cheating on bus fares.
SBS also has to constantly have bus inspectors to ensure that people paid the correct fares, and for some, to ensure that some people even bother paying anything at all.
the moves that the bus drivers do to inspect and make sure people pay correct fares are all part of their job.
just like the job of a teacher is to teach, and a job of a leader is to lead.
it's their responsibility to check and make sure no one is a free-loader and i totally understand what they are going through.
and instead of getting praised for doing their job well, higher authorities treat this as a matter-of-fact- and the public hurl spiteful remarks at them.
well, let's all try to be more understanding and maybe, we'll all be in a honest and civilised society.
peace!

back to today's activity.
went shopping with darren, my beloved son.
there wasn't any nice movies so we didn't catch any.
there wasn't much things to shop.
we wanted to go bugis village but it was raining non-stop.
in the end, we decided to go to marina square and suntec.
continued walking around and we ended up in white sands and downtown east visiting yue zhi and rong teng respectively at ben and jerry's.
ate some ice-cream (trying not to think about the fats i've been gaining) and enjoyed it totally.
now, i'm home, waiting for superstar results.
oh please, don't let daren be out.
on the account of him having the same name as my son, darren.
jia you!!!

2007-01-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

today went for my e-trial test again. did three tests and all three i passed.
yay!!! hope for the actual test, i will pass too.
after driving, we went to singapore post again and we sat at the food court eating breakfast and looking through newspaper.
i found one job and decided to go for the interview.
nadia and bernie were nice enough to accompany me.
since the interview only started at 2, we had plenty of time to roam about.
so we went to 'this fashion' at paya lebar.
there was no other shops there, and since it was a long time since any of the three of us stepped in there, we decided to ckeck it out.
the prices there are high, really high now compared to the past.
i found one shorts, which was relatively nice.
but it was $25. FOR A PAIR OF SHORTS???!!!
yup, so in the end i didn't buy. anyway, my mother would continue to nag at me if i bought it.
after that we went to bugis to shop, or rather, just walk around looking at some stuff.

then, we headed over to the office, in the rain.
i have to go down again tomorrow for orientation, whatever that means.
i only hope that the job would be something i like, cause i'm lazy to find again.
and i don't want to be nagged at.
just praying hard now that it is a presentable job. i hope.
after that, we went to the national library.
oh man, the collection of danielle steel books there are like plentiful.
plentiful is not really the right word, more like OVERFLOWING!
basically she had three full selves of books. three! from top to bottom. and each rack is full.
i've never seen such many books by one author.
no wonder it's called a national library.
anyway, it was a long time since i read, and since i wouldn't have anything to do after i finish my shows on youtube, i borrowed three books to read.
i also borrowed a korean phrasebook. interesting right?
i want to learn korean. nadia wants to learn german (although everything thinks it sounds vulgar, no offence). bernie wants to learn japanese.
oh well, haha, i don't think i will learn in the end.
i don't have that motivation.
well, if i do, it maybe because i got a korean boyfriend (but which korean guy would wants me? so it's kind of unimaginable).

that's all for today i guess.
hope tomorrow's job is good.
and hope tomorrow is a good day!!!

2007-01-08T21:36:00.000+08:00

no updates on the council outing cause it was cancelled. yes, cancelled.
i only found out when i reached tampines.
cause i think too many people not free.
well, i can't say it's the best organisation skills, and furthermore, we've been in council and should know the basis of communication.
but i know it is very difficult to get everyone together, especially since some of them are working, or busy dating, or simply not feeling well.

my mom has been nagging the whole day.
nagging at me not being able to get a job.
but.... it's not my fault that no one wants to employ.
i've been out searching for a job since like god-knows-how-long-ago.
but everywhere seems uninterested in employing me.
maybe it's really something wrong with me.
with my presentation, with my attitude, with my everything.
oh man, how am i suppose to get a job?
it's not like i didn't put in effort.
i did, and i really tried.
because of the constant nagging, my mood has been swinging also.
in fact, it is mostly in the 'bad' region.
nothing seems to be able to change my mood. not even watching korean dramas.
ok, maybe during the show it goes to the 'sad' region.
but after the show ends, it swings back to 'bad'.
i just need a job. then all my problems will be solved.
I JUST NEED A JOB!!!!!!!!

2007-01-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

sundays are usually boring. but never that boring.
jessie couldn't come over to swim.
there are no shows to watch on the television.
there's no where to go without money (because i have no job).
stucked at home, lonely and pathetic.
found a new hobby. watching videos on youtube, or rather, chinese serials.
but my internet connection is super slow.
takes like forever to load one part of one episode.
so here i am blogging.
steph is officially on the plane back to san franisco.
bon voyage!!
i have dinner tomorrow with some councillors at pizza hut.
harianto will be going to meet his 'beautiful' girlfriend, haha.
the rest, well, we are just there to have a gathering.
ranjani introduced me a job at changi general hospital.
i pray, hope, wish and beg that they offer me the job.
oh man, i need it badly.
please God, give me that job!!!!
shall update tomorrow about the outing.

2007-01-06T20:49:00.000+08:00

don't ask me why i have so many posts a day.
i don't want to repeat that i'm rotting at home without a job!!!
anyway, this is not the point of the post.

i was watching some korean channel on cabel just now and it was a live performance by many artistes.
i have to say that i'm truly captivated and awed by their performance.
i wouldn't say that i can guarantee they weren't lip-syncing, but their performance was definitely outstanding.
i couldn't understand the korean words they were saying, but from their expressions, i could tell the meaning of the song.
they defintely displayed much star quality and stage pressence.
their dance moves were hot and modern, their songs were catchy and pleasant to the ears.
their synchronisation was ideal at every point in time with the lights and sounds co-ordinated during every movement.
if not for the language they speak, which is only uniquely to their culture, i'm sure that koreans will be one of the leading countries with famous artiste.
sometimes, i really think that singapore-star-wannabes should learn from other asian countries like korea.
singapore-star-wannabes are sometimes too (how should i put it?) stiff and rigid in their performance.
they don't have that star quality pressence which can attract the attention of people all around the world. (maybe that's why there are not many singaporean stars who can go international)
of course, there are some people who are famous like stefanie sun and lin jun jie.
but seriously, all the competitions that singapore has so far, has it really groom international and regional stars?
in my point of view, NOPE!

(this topic was purely random, without any evil intentions.)

2007-01-06T14:58:00.000+08:00

sorry for the missing-in-action feat again.
i was just too busy to blog.
or rather, too tired.
i've been looking high and low for a job. just any office hour job.
nice pay, nice environment.
but i can't find any!!!
i thought i had one. then when jessie and i went down for training, we found out that it wasn't a job we wanted to do.
now, jessie's got her job at some school doing admin. hope the people treat her nice there.
i'm all alone. i have no job. no income. no nothing.
and worst of all, i've been running around all kinds of places, yet no one wants to employ me.
am i really that bad?
i just want a job. a decent job.

well, forget about the useless job search.
stephanie came back for a few days!!! we went out shopping.
(just to divert, see, i need a job to help me maintain my shopping habit)
she's going to finish her college in june. and going to uni in sept.
her uni course is going to be two years only. so, she'll get a headstart in working.
anyway, back to shopping.
she bought clothes and shoes.
i bought a pair of pants (which is suppose to be worm for work, BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!)
hope that she'll be safe back in america.
anyway, she should be.
GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR FINALS!

When There Was Me And You High School Musical Cast lyrics
Artist: High School Musical Cast
Album: High School Musical
Year: 2006
Title: When There Was Me And You

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
And once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Because I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

nice song.........

2006-12-26T13:33:00.001+08:00

i became 18 two days ago.
isn't that something to rejoice about?
i'm a december baby, which explains why i'm 18 only at this point in time and not earlier like all my friends are.
well, 18 is a nice age.
there are so many things you can finally do.
1. Learn driving
2. Go clubbing
3. Drink alcohol
4. Get a visa supplementary card
5. Smoke (although it's not advisable)
6. watch M18 movies
and many many more i guess...
after 18 years of life, i really want to thank God for all the happiness that he has given me.
all the friends around me, my family, my health, my brains (although it's not that fantastic, but still rather useful).
now i shall look forward to being 19, getting older day by day.

also, i would like to thank all the people who took their time out to help me celebrate my birthday.
and most of all, thanks for all the presents and love you've given me.
thank you.